So confused

[Tinywife]

Hi all, new here and so confused and getting no answers and I’m going round in circles. Sorry in advance for the long post.

Things started off amazing as they always do, years of happiness, the right things always said, the things you want to hear, flowers bought, everything amazing. We had a baby together. Then I found out he’d been messaging other women. Hurt like hell.

Got over that eventually. Forgave but never forgot . I did the same thing recently. I’ve felt distanced from him for a long time. So I did start messaging someone. Yes I know it was wrong, and I’ll hold my hands up to it.

He found out, but the worst thing is, I kind of didn’t feel any remorse, no sadness or panic. It’s like, I had no feelings.. emptiness.

Things have been said and done before then over the years that I’ve never thought of, just thought it’s how we were, but since this has all kicked off.. it makes me think back to these things that have happened previously and wonder.. was it just how we were.. or is it abuse? Am I imagining it? Or not? I’m so so confused and don’t know what to do anymore .

Since the messages.. I had flowers. He said to (detail removed by moderator)

So he then decided to say that he needed to know who they were from because if someone is buying his wife flowers, then that’s either a romantic gesture or a guilt thing.

I completely disagree, I could have bought them myself, but that’s how he looks at it.

Things are said for example “I’m the only one that will put up with your mood swings , I’m the only one that will do absolutely anything on this earth for you “

“You can’t go out in those trousers, they are too sexy; someone might take you” but it was said as “a joke”

Someone please please help me… I am literally losing my mind. I need an outsiders view. I cannot live not knowing anymore

[Anonymous]

Hi Tinywife,

Sounds like there is a lot more going on in the relationship than you shared or know about. I highly recommend the book ‘Why does he do that?’ by Lundy Bancroft. The Freedom Program is really good at opening our eyes too.
The relationship is not healthy, which is probably why you feel so empty. I overlooked a lot of very unacceptable/criminal behaviour from my ex.
And the brainwashing/gaslighting meant I couldn’t see his actions for what they were.
Thank you for sharing with us. We are here for you.
xx

[Author]

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