So confused

[Broken123]

I am struggling quite a bit today with the guilt of feeling the way I do. Since I said I was leaving other than his unwanted sexual advances and the accusation that our son had stolen from him he has been really trying. He’s very apologetic says he can see how he has been with me and the children and it’s not right. He’s spoken with his therapist about how he feels regarding his injury and life change etc… (I doubt he said anything about the way he has been speaking to me though). He’s saying he wants to make things right.
But the thing is I think I have finally woken up to the fact that he has been verbally and emotionally abusing me all these years and I just don’t think I can forgive it. I feel like my head is a Washing machine spinning all the time. I feel so awful because I can see he is trying and I don’t want to hurt him and I still love him but he has hurt me so badly… I want to run as far away as I can yet can’t stand the idea of him dealing with the trauma of his disability alone.

[nbumblebee]

As harsh as this sounds and im sorry but his life his feelings arent your responcibility.
He is the only one that is responcible for his actions and words and his own life not you.
Regardless of disability he hurts you knocks you down and makes you feel pants nobody has the right to do that to another person and you know it isnt because of his accident (not thats an excuse) as he was like this before.
You feel guilty because you are a good person, these men who hurt us never feel guilty never say sorry doesnt that tell you something? Of course hes gonna try he knows he needs you he will do anything to keep you.
Sweetie, you have nothing to feel guilty about I know that doesnt help as you are gonna anyway but dont allow him to change your mind dont let the guilt make you stay because thats no life is it?
Stay safe x

[Broken123]

Thank you I know this is the case but it’s so hard isn’t it! How can we still love these people when they hurt us so much emotionally. And then we hurt ourselves even more with the mental torment we put ourselves through when reality hits? I’m booked to speak to a therapist but this isn’t until next month I don’t think I can stay in my own head until then.

[nbumblebee]

Yep I understand I really do. Its just so hard, too hard some days right?
Keep.posting here keep talking to us you dont need to keep it all in your head believe me thats not good for you so come on here and post as many times as you like as we get it.
Well done on booking in with therapist i know its frustrating when you have to wait but it will be worth it. X*x

[Stuckinturmoil]

I feel your pain. It’s horrendous. My partner has a long term condition which has impacted his moods swings although they were there initially it’s made it worse. I too have woken up and can see now what he has done to me for decades. Unlike you he has never admitted he is wrong or got help. Which a few years ago I would have welcomed but now o don’t want him to as I am so close now to getting out of this marriage I do not want to be sucked back in.
If it helps I had a work colleague who left her disabled husband he drank a lot and wasn’t nice. She still supported him Joe and again but moved on and had a lovely life and relationship now. Hang on in there you can’t live your lift to please someone else. Easier said than done thoug.

[Grey Rock]

Hi. So sorry for what you’re going through at the moment. Have you seen the cycle of abuse diagram? Apologies etc are all part of it and so emotionally bewildering while you’re in it. I don’t know if it’s even possible to add a picture on a post here, if it is I can’t figure it out or I’d pop the diagram on.

One book (I’ve recommended it on here before so sorry if I’m repeating something you already read) that really helped me is called Out of the F.O.G. (Fear, Obligation and Guilt). I hadn’t realised how much my ex used all three to manipulate me until I read it. The understanding it gave me was very freeing.

Take care.
GR x

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