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He woke up this morning and gave me a hug and kiss and told me he loved me. Goes to the toilet and comes back and is in a mood. Asked for a hug as I’m going away for the weekend with friends and he gave me a pat on the back and barely said a word. I just don’t get it, am I going mad?? There was me thinking things were going back to “normal”.
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He’s got you by the short and curlies. Your confusion is being caused by him and it is nothing you have said or done. You are emphatically not going mad. This is exactly what he wants you to feel like. There is no ‘normal’ I’m afraid. At least for you. For him, this behaviour is normal and it will get worse. You probably already know that.
Baby steps and you can start untying the knots of your relationship and you will begin to see him in a clearer light. Keep a diary of all this kind of behaviour. Anything that gets to you or that you notice. One day you will look back at it and wonder how you put up with it. You will also be able to hand it over to whoever is helping you.
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My ex hated when I went and did things without him. His behaviour was designed to prevent me from having my independence. It’s subtle abuse. Making you suffer so that next time you will think twice about going away. It’s how they use control to change our behaviour and I just didn’t see it happening. If I mentioned it I was told it was just a joke or I couldn’t take a joke or I was too sensitive. Or don’t be ridiculous. Listen to yourself he used to say. As if it was my behaviour in question.
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