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    • #134608
      White walls
      Participant

      I am very sad today thinking about leaving my first love.
      But then I think il have a cuddle with him when I get home from work, hel probably treat me to a take away and il feel better ,he lets me hug him, I like that even though we he has no interest in me anyone intimately.

      And then I remember how he pushed me so hard back onto the bed during an argument in (detail removed by moderator) broke completely shattered.

      And I wonder how someone who did that to me can also be such a comfort to me.

      And I wonder if I leave who will I go to comfort to then. I have no children.
      I’m very lonely.

      This kind of relationship is so confusing, I am posting quite a bit because I have (detail removed by moderator) to decide.

      How do I decide this?
      I have somewhere to live. I know I am so lucky.And still so hard to go

    • #134620
      KIP.
      Participant

      Google trauma bonding. It was a lightbulb moment for me. Abusers push us off a cliff then run down and rescue us. It’s brain washing.

    • #134621
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Its devestating its utterly heart breaking I feel it too. How can someone who says they love you do what they do? I guess there is no answer sweetie no answer at all i drive nyself crazy asking this question. Try not too try not to understand why but maybe understand the how to deal with it, how to get safe, how to heal yourself you are far far better off trying to understand those things than trying to understand them. They do what they want because they can its as simple as that.
      Sending you hugs xx

    • #134634
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      It’s so hard isn’t it, we want to believe the good times are the real him and find ourselves excusing or forgetting the bad. Like Kip said Google trauma bonding, lightbulb for me in this area was DR Ramani on YouTube describing it like playing a slot machine or those toy grabbing machines. You know the prize, you know you’ve won it before so you keep trying but ultimately lose your money/sanity trying. What if the bad times were the real times, what advice would you give yourself then?

      Also, being in a bad relationship can be more lonely than being alone and having the freedom to control what you do & who you see.

      • #134636
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Wow you are so right. When my hubby is nice i feel strong i tell myself i can do this its not so bad then when he starts getting nasty im a mess again but we keep hanging on for those good days desperatly. You put it so well @bananaboat xxxx

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