So depressed

[HaPea]

I am feeling really low. My husband had a rage at me (detail removed by moderator) My brain hurts from the gaslighting telling me he absolutely told me that a different thing was agreed when no body told me anything. I’m sick of being kept in the dark and then made out like I was told everything. I know I wasn’t because I wasn’t even there when things were changed. Yet apparently I was sat right beside him. I absolutely wasn’t. Annoyingly I can’t even prove myself right (detail removed by moderator) So he’s trying to make me out to be the bad person. Screaming and shouting as he’s on a come down and when I fight back and stand up for myself apparently my memory is incorrect. He’s making me feel like I’m going mad. I want to leave. I’m sick of the verbal abuse. But when I say I’m leaving I get a why now oh because you’ve got it in your head that … insert whatever happened or didn’t happen. Then he will jump back to past things and twist those to put blame on me. My head hurts. I feel like utter 💩. I tried using the text service for my local domestic abuse place but haven’t heard anything back. I’ve packed mine and my sons bag but I feel like I’m being made to feel like my reactions are over the top and guilt tripped. I want to cry.

[Anonymous]

Please keep reaching out to the helpline.am sorry things are so bad. You are not to blame he wants you to think you are. Keep posting

[Allornothing]

Hi HaPea,

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Reach out to as many support groups as you can, find out if you have a Women’s centre near year, find contact details for any refuges/sheltered housing that you can. Hopefully you will find that once you start contacting them, they will start providing you with contact details of other organisations. I ended up paying for myself to stay in a cheap hotel for a couple of nights whilst I started my journey and the women’s centre put me in touch with the council who found me a hotel until they could find me temporary accommodation. I felt like I had armed myself with information as I knew that one day it would be time to walk. It is all so very hard, but strangely the new hardships still outway the one’s you felt when you were in the relationship. Wishing you all the best xx

[HaPea]

I try to text my mum bits and pieces sometimes when things are said. I did that today but it’s hard to convey the general tone as my head feels so foggy I instantly forgot the actual words he used. So I do try to write somewhere be it in text or in here general things that happen. Not as easy as it sounds though when your brain feels fried.

[Author]

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