So disappointed ..

[Tuppance]

Hi
Some of you will know by now through all my recent posts (sorry) what my situation is.
We have not told the children yet about the ‘trial’ separation whilst we sort ourselves out.
We were meant to be going on holiday soon and I have said that I am not going. A false family holiday spent all day drinking, confined I his company horrifies me. We privately spoke about him taking the kids away and I stay at home – a bit of space. It would be hard to be without them but I would never keep him and the kids apart. He called to say he realised he couldn’t go away for that long and look after them. That I have looked after them all these years and he would struggle so he said about not going to the original destination but that I could pick anywhere for us to all go together ‘ no pressure ‘ he said. Our boy had just come to me and said ‘ mum, dad said you don’t want us to go to the original destination and that you are going to pick a nice family holiday somewhere else for us to go to’ he was so excited as he doesn’t like where we normally go either . Where shall we go mum ! He asked and he was full of plans, also involving his little sister. I am SOOO cross! I don’t want to go anywhere with him – he knows that and now he has said this, when we specifically agreed not to say anything to them. I have been forced into a corner. How do I explain that i don’t want to go anywhere with their dad? What shall I do? I am thinking to have it out with him and let him sort the mess out. Gosh – he knows now about my depression as I thought it might make things easier – he would go gentle on me and he has done this to me. Sorry – I just need to vent with you all. I suppose this is typical of a controlling bully?

[SilkyHalide]

Can you arrange something yourself for nice days out or a couple of days just you and the children?
Don’t let him take the children anywhere alone right now even for a couple of days. Yes he is using the children to control you. It’s very hard to combat when you don’t want to hurt anyone whereas he doesn’t care what damage he does to your relationship with the children as long as he gets what he wants.
It also very hard for others to see what he’s really doing. You need expert help and support please don’t try and handle it alone. And don’t trust him in any way.

[Tuppance]

Thanks for responding. I am still seething. He completely backtracked tonight to say he would take the kids to the original holiday destination (detail removed by moderator).I haven’t raised the issue of talking to our son about it – I am going through what to say over and over in my mind. I have booked to take the kids away next week and he has not been bought a ticket. That will be my little holiday with them. I am glad almost that he did this now because it puts more fire in my belly to get rid of him! Xx

[Author]

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