so fed up and tired

[betterdays]

Of battling what I call and illness. Thoughts boggling round in my head. Of how he could of done it. Memories good and bad. My house is nearly sold having panics about that because in my head Part of me thinks I’m living there. My family are selfish and horrible. I’m still blaming myself because if it’s him how’s he managed to get another women. I’m sick of this life x

[KIP.]

Yes, I remember the brain chatter stage. It’s exhausting. It’s just your brain trying to make sense of it all. It will pass X it’s a roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

Dear Betterdays, I remember when I very first split and during the week that we actually split, i literally COULD NOT STOP THINKING, it was obsessive uncontrollable thinking about him and the relationship. From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until the moment I closed them at night I would not stop thinking about it. And then every single night I would dream too. At that time I was thinking about him for about 99.7% of the time. As the weeks and then months pass, crucially if you have No Contact, this obsessive uncontrollable thinking gets less. For me it is now 6 months since we split and I think about him about 25% of every day, no longer dream that much and feel confused, sad, rejected, hurt and angry. It all takes time to come out of your system. X*X

[Serenity]

The ladies above are right. The brain chatter stage is horrendous. I still have days where my brain is chattering ( normally when I have been triggered), but I never thought I would be able to say this: there are hours that go by now when he doesn’t enter my mind.

You can’t hurry this stage. It happens naturally. Unfortunately, you need to go through the brain chatter stage, but I think it helps if you find something positive to focus on.

On our Pattern Changing course, they explained that abusive relationships mean that your abuser makes sure that they fill your head space at all times. When they leave or you leave, it’s hard to stop that obsession- because your abuser has hijacked your head for so long. You need to replace that part of your mind where he resides with something else.

This wasn’t work for me ( my abuser has wrecked my work confidence; it took me longer to get it back); for me, it was caring for children. My own, and my nieces. Children gave me that peace and focus.

Can you think of something which you think will give you this peace and focus?

A friend told me ages ago that what will
Happen is that, over time, my abuser won’t loom so large in my life. At first, he seemed huge: frightening, cruel, he overtook my mind. She said that, eventually, he would shrink in my head and appear ‘smaller.’

She was right. Now, if I think of him, I think of his weakness and cowardice. His strength and confidence was all a front- undercut all, he was bitter and nasty and insecure and jealous. I now see him as a weak person.

I promise that in a year or so, you will be on this forum, promising other women the same thing X

[Author]

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