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Where to begin, I haven’t been on here for a couple of months and that’s a good thing. Things have been good. We’ve been happy. Even during lockdown, that’s what I was most nervous about how he would be knowing we physically couldn’t go anywhere but we’ve been ok. Started smiling and feeling happy….. like this is it, no more hitting or arguements.
But then the smallest of things happen and today has completely changed. He had a complete meltdown, shouting abuse at me, threatening me, upsetting me. Was just thinking this is it, his going to hit me. Started throwing things my way made me nervous. He didn’t hit me this time but the bad thoughts have come back and I don’t know what to do. I’m pregnant with our child and I just feel like I’m a complete idiot for believing things would change and now I’m here and I’m confused and nervous
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Hi there,
You are not gullible, you are like all of us have been at some point; you have wanted to believe so much that he will become the wonderful man that you think he could be, only to be disappointed time and time again.
Forgive me if I sound harsh, but with reference to your username, the only way you will get change is if YOU make those changes happen. You cannot change him at all, no matter how much you try, beg, plead. Don’t be fooled by having a few months of good times. You say “he didn’t hit me this time” which I read in to that he has hit you before. So this is an abusive man that you are with, whose abuse is not as frequent as some ladies suffer with, but it is still an abusive relationship. He has made you nervous. I suspect there are times when you are living in fear.
The arrival of your baby will not stop him from being abusive. These men do not magically change when babies come along, I know that from experience. I ended up leaving my abuser when my son was a small toddler so that I could protect him from the abuse he was being subjected to that was happening to me.
I think you have some very serious decisions to make, they are huge decisions and life changing ones. Are you ready to accept that you are pregnant with an abusive man who is not going to change? Are you prepared to walk away and raise this child by yourself? That will be a very brave and strong decision to make, only you know if you are in the mindset to do this.
You will get help and support. You could tell your midwife about the abuse and your fears. They will have to report this and Children’s Services will become involved. Assessments will be made and an order could be made at court for supervised contact or no contact, depending on the risk.
Or do you tell no one and hope for the best, hope he will change, or that the abuse doesn’t get worse?
There is no happy ending here where the three of you can live happily ever after. Your abuser has already shown you his true colours. You know who he is.
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