- This topic has 14 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I did it I left while he was at work and am staying at my mum’s. I feel like I never left in fact the abuse is worse. Constant wattsapps and emails one minute he loves me the next he is saying he doesn’t know why I would of left and will never forgive me for the way I have done it. Playing games constantly and I am exhausted. He has proposed he should see the kids 50/50 having them every weekend and in the week to so j basically see them about 6 hours a week. Selling a pic to me of him as the perfect dad when is inpit was about 5%. When they’re naughty and don’t do what he wants he responded with personal insults and forceful behaviour. Please tell me it gets better… I’m hoping hoping be courts will see through him as I’ve been the primary carer and the kids are already struggling to be separated from me. 🙁
-
Hi, You cant have 50/50 with an abuser – as two non abusive parents that’s fine. Ask him to stop texting etc if your feeling harassed you wont be able to function because you will go into complete panic. If he keeps on this is harrassment, its illegal. Try to get a third party to make any necessary arrangements or for communication. Its time to take yourself out of the picture. The family court will listen to you if you can present them with the facts. The harassment your having now is one to start with. It depends how old your kids are but if theyre above 9 they have a voice you can call in an expert to do reports for you. So GP, therapist, WA. Ask people who have witnessed any abuse directed at you in front of the kids or directly at the kids get them to date a sign them. That’s your starting point. Sometimes court is the best way from there xx
-
The child is paramount as far as the courts are concerned if you can prove the detrimental effect this is having on them. They wont risk unsafe contact, if your ex pushes for this ask that contact starts very slowly again. The longer the time goes by the better because you cant introduce full contact with a huge laps its not fair on the kids. Try to offer supervised, stand your ground. I ended up asking each professional who will take responsibility if something happens to my child? xx
-
Well done ilikechicken.💜
He is harassing you. You have to tell him to stop contacting you, if he continues after being told twice to desist, that is classed as harassment. What you have to do is not enter into any dialogue with him at all as the police will see that as you being as bad as him. For the welfare of your children you need to be strong, you set up contact details, he picks them up through a third party. He abused you and the children, he doesn’t get to be a co-parent. He has to prove he is safe for the children to be around, that he is not abusing them, filling their heads with lies.
As you have been their primary carer the courts will take this into consideration. Put your foot down on this, i agree with DIY, keep things factual, emotions can’t get in the way. The courts ONLY go on facts. Try to keep in mind why you left him, yours wasnt a normal relationship so he doesn’t get to have a separated/ divorced fathers rights to access. Good luck lovely, you can do this.IWMB 💕💕
-
It sounds like you have started out well and he has acted predictably as an abuser does. The first thing to do is on no account to talk to him on the phone. The messages are distressing, but at least you can actually see him swinging from one opinion and action to another. Save all of these messages even though they are distressing because they are evidence of his behaviour. Next send a single message asking him to stop contacting you. The advice is to get a contact order in place before the kids see him to stop him taking them away from you. Currently you have custody because the kids are with you, but if the kids are with him he doesn’t have to give them back unless there is a court order in place. I would get some Women’s aid advice about how to go about that. In the mean time, do not respond to his messages. You send a single message asking for him to stop harassing you. Nothing after that. If the harassment continues then you can get the police to give him a warning.
The first weeks are always the hardest, so focus your energy on looking after yourself. Things will get better.
-
I have asked him only to contact me via email and after (Detail removed by Moderator) regarding the childrens visits. He is seeing them. He always messages when he is with them and threatened to not give them bk the other day based on an old email of which I stupidly tried to negotiate. I am unsure how I can prove emotional abuse, my son doesn’t talk amd my daughter is (Detail removed by Moderator). (Detail removed by Moderator) I am so worried if he gets 50/50 then he will mess with them so much. I have no proof tho I feel I have messed up in protecting them because I left to soon. He is playing amazing dad spouting lies in his emails about putting them to bed etc. What can I do if he doesn’t give them back.
-
Threatening to not return your children is abusive behaviour and your solicitor could get you an emergency order from the Court to retrieve them and that if he does not return them then the police shall become involved. Threatening to not return them in that email is to your advantage. It shows abusive controlling behaviour. That’s evidence. Get your solicitor to act on it. It’s so typical for these men to put on a father of the year Oscar winning performances. It won’t last. He’s still the same man he was when you lived with him. You know him best. All he wants to do is engage with you so that he can upset you. He baits you by lying and threatening. He enjoys your distress. Get a contact order in place and a third party to communicate. Zero contact x
-
If he doesn’t respect your wishes and is contacting you about things other than contact with the kids, and if he is bombarding you with messages both these things help to build up a picture of how his abuse.
Keep your answers factual and as short as possible. No negotiation, no pointing out things he said previously, with the sole exception of the concrete details of the upcoming child contact plans. So if he’s got contact agreed on Thursday and suddenly says he wants to change that to Tuesday then you are fine to say “you agreed to seeing the children on Thursday, and I cannot change that on short notice.” But don’t get any more involved than that.
I would maybe also set up a new email account, and switch everything apart from him and the spam over to your new account, so you don’t have to see his messages every time you check your email, you can just check it when you need to sort things to do with the kids.
-
Are the kids shoeing signs of distress? Bed wetting,clingy,angry outbursts? If do journal it and get friends and families accounts of the changes. Especially if it’s on their return fro. Him keep the dates. The helping hands form Is good for getting young children’s feelings over they can draw how they’re feeling. You can get this form fromantic the law society. Womens aid also provide children’s workers xx
-
Showing xx
-
He was using on old email where I had tried to. Negotiate with him and he rejected that proposal and I had realised I was appeasing him and not thinking of the kids so I told him that plan for that week and he just kept pushing. I hate him. My daughter is wetting herself and my son is very disrupted but I’m unsure why, they are young they don’t realise his behavior and love he plays fun dad for ten min and they’re all daddy. My daughter is saying funny things like she doesn’t like members of my family and apparently he messaged me saying my daughter said she has no Mommy after being with him for five hours. The school have told me he has asked for all documentation on my sons special needs reports and will now have to come to appointments with me. The doctors, dentist school are all about his rights and now he will know when their appointments are and will no doubt turn up. He wants every weekend and in the week. I feel that everyone puts these posters up about reporting emotional, psychological, financial abuse yet all the places that have these posters are too concerned with my partners rights that they just give him complete control. Feeling like I’ll never be out really.
-
It’s a double edged sword all this information available now. Worse i think because the abusers are using it to their advantages. Please dont let him dictate terms of access, go no contact until you’re happy theyre safe. It’s particularly worrying that your oldest is saying things like she had no mummy. Keep a journal of their behaviour after they come back, how long it takes for them to be themselves again, anything that will help your solicitor. Let’s see how long he keeps up going to doctors and dentists, patents meetings etc. Trust your gut love, you have done so well, you can do this, for you’re sake and your babies.
IWMB 💕💕 -
-
Sometimes wetting and bed wetting are signs/symptoms of anxiety. Saying she has no mummy and acting out are all down to emotional. Distress, my daughter did most of the above. Keep it all documented with dates. Get them to write down how theyre feeling. I said to my wee one I will always be here to support you no matter what I think they need to here this regularly. Im sure you do, I hope you don’t think im being too much here with my advise:) My ex partners brother did all of the above as far as getting involved in their records. This is pure control I bet he wouldn’t have gotten involved before. It sounds like you might be able to go down the coersive and controlling behaviour route. Its illegal and when kids are involved its really detrimental. Id imagine he will try to get his oar in on that front. Id get advice from WA and the GP. You could call 101 as the back ground is DA coercive and controlling behaviour is now a crime. xx DIY
-
He doesn’t want contact with me he wants to control the kids and punish me. He wants me out of the kids lives,(detail removed by moderator). He always tried to make me think my kids didn’t love me and loved him more. It scares me he will get them 50% of the time cos he is clearly trying to persuade them I am insignificant etc. I asked my daughter if she had dinner and she kept reciting she had been someones house and seen her cousin which I know she couldn’t off cos the cousin was at his moms house. I feel he has trained her to come bk and say stuff that hasnt happened. She is only (age removed by moderator). Thing is I’m worried about is that he has got all the kids info etc from the school. He will paint himself as perfect dad and has in emails to me and he is going to emotionally and psychologically damaging to the kids.. 🙁 I doubt the court will see this for what it is x
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
