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    • #17290
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Just that really. I’m so lonely I miss him. After a he did I miss him. He sent letter which breaks his bail conditions. I think they will arrest him. (detail removed by Moderator) they will decide if they charge or not. I feel so alone and that maybe I’m doing the wrong thing.

    • #17294
      KIP.
      Participant

      You only miss the good bits. That’s how they trap us. You are one hundred percent doing the right thing. He must be held accountable or he will never stop. I hope you gave the letter to the police. Breaking bail is just him thinking he is above the law. Well he is not. Every time my ex pushed the boundaries I pushed right back. He’s still chipping away but I keep pushing back. Eventually he will get the message and leave well alone x x it’s a terrible roller coaster. Tomorrow will be a better day x

    • #17316
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      He’s going to court to get contact with the kids. (detail removed by Moderator) sorry to anyone who thought I was strong. (detail removed by Moderator) …my punishment for letting him do what he did.

    • #17318
      myfairyqueen
      Participant

      Are you getting any help like counselling? There is loads of support out there. You may feel so weak right now but things will get better and you are doing the right thing. He will make things difficult by trying to use the children to get to you, you need as much support around you as you can right now.

    • #17319
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Oh Shinebright, please do not apologise. You still are incredibly strong. You are facing things that take inhuman strength and you need coping strategies to do that. Of course you have huge amounts of pain inside. The fear of him trying to have the children is terrible. Feeling unable to protect my children is pretty much guaranteed to trigger self-harming feelings in me. But it will be a long road and you need as much resilience as you can get. I’m not sure what supports you have in place but you need to gather as much as possible as you go through the process. As I went through court I had WA counselling and advocacy from my SA charity who came with me to every hearing. I was very lucky and it was still traumatic. I hope you manage not to harm yourself too badly. Try to go back to the techniques you used before and keep yourself safe. Sending love and strength x*x

    • #17322
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Just hate myself so much.(detail removed by Moderator) Sorry Lisa, for being so graphic, it was late and was upset. I feel so guilty now, I been so long without doing g this I feel like a huge failure especially after everyone says I’m so I g well.I can keep it covers up but im afraid people will know. (detail removed by Moderator)
      I have WA worker but on contact her by text or email because I don’t use the phone. sometimes she just doesn’t get back to me…think she’s not used to people emailing.
      He put on social media how he’s gonna divorce me and get the kids to go and stay wiv him at weekends. This won’t happen, social services won’t allow it, but it’d upset me.
      I feel like such a huge failure that I am not even fit to have kids. My entire body is a mess…His marks and mine…I even hate going in the shower and try not to even glimpse my own body. I haven’t reported his letter yet….more courage needed…but I don’t know if I have any more. Thank u for being there…

    • #17328
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Oh hun, big hugs!
      Please block him from all social media. Do not look at what he posts or says. Go total zero contact. This is for your own protection.
      Have you ever tried to ring the Samaritans when you feel really down?
      Is there anything else you could think of how to release the pain?
      I go to the park and scream. It makes me feel better.
      Sometimes people look at me as if they see an escapee from an asylum, but I do not care.
      Also, going to the gym and boxing the male dummy helps me.
      I am just thinking whether you could think of less painful alternatives.
      Do you have any psychological support? Show the cuts to your GP. They need to help you.
      You still do incredibly well. You fight a monster all on your own.
      You are like the knight who fights the mighty dragon and wins in the end. All the fire spitting of the huge dragon does not change anything, the knight kills the dragon and drinks his blood in the end.

    • #17348
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Just so disappointed in myself for giving I after so long, but I think there were so many things in my head i couldn’t help it. I feel like im living up to what he says about me being crazy. My GP is good, but I didn’t take the help that was offered…thought I could c***k it on my own. I can’t. I’m going to the police. Ayanna your right I shouldn’t be looking at stuff he has posted on line.I love the idea of a scream in the park….could never do it though…I’ve been trained to be a silent shadow.(detail removed by Moderator) It’s so weird sometimes the scars on my back kind of throb when I remember and when I think about the other stuff it hurts in my belly. I hate myself so much…I thought I was sucseeding but c**p as always.

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