So sad

[Sogo1234]

I’m at the point where I think I’m ready to leave but just keep crying because I love him and will miss him (well, the nice version) so much. I keep thinking why aren’t I enough for him to want to treat well and be trustworthy and not call horrible things. If he actually loved me he wouldn’t do that, which is such a crushing realisation. Having to come to terms with the fact things just won’t get better, they keep getting worse and the fights more frequent and there’s nothing I can do.

I’m so worried about how to navigate leaving though. We rent together and have a pet together. All of our stuff is joint owned too. I don’t know what to do with our pet. The pet would probably need to stay here as so hard to get a rental that allows pets and the pet is older and needs to be an only pet. I am not sure whether I’d want to stay in our flat as I can’t really afford it by myself. But I also can’t afford to move at the moment too and the thought of living with others when I’m a shell of a human right now is daunting. It is so stressful thinking about all of this. My pay next month is already all gone. It would be financially easier to just stay but mentally I don’t think I can do another argument.

I wish I could just leave and go no contact but it is so hard when you have all of these things to sort out.

I am supposed to be getting a call from a Domestic Abuse charity this week so I do have some support coming but any advice in the meantime is appreciated.

I just wish he would be nice like he was at the start 🙁 I’m so sad.

[RubberDuckster]

This is so similar to my situation. We have a joint mortgage and a wonderful dog too. I’m going to have to leave our dog as the room I’ve been offered can’t take pets and I can’t afford to rent anywhere till I don’t have half a mortgage to pay. I really feel for you. Keep us updated.

[Sogo1234]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this 🙁 it’s so hard to leave a pet. I think I’m going to have to. I don’t think I could stay in the house where so much horrible stuff has happened just to keep our pet 🙁

[Sogo1234]

We had a big fight (detail removed by Moderator) again over text and the phone and broke up. He was being absolutely vile to me and recorded me during an argument saying he won’t delete it until things are sorted whichever way they go.

He gets home (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m so scared I will crumble. I need all the strength I can get to leave for good. He’s trying to make me out to be a horrible person because I acted like him once and said some nasty things after dealing with years of his abuse.

Please send me strength to end things properly and for good (detail removed by Moderator) .

[Reallyconfused]

Saying horrible things after years of abuse does not make you horrible. They use these tactics, turn them around on us to upset us – because they know how we feel and no one wants to be labelled as that. They often don’t end things because they are not that affected by everything. They feel they are in control. It’s taken me a long time to understand my own self worth. People who love don’t abuse their partner. Sending lots of strength to you.
Whatever happens keep posting.

[Sogo1234]

He does seem so unphased by all of this. It makes it even worse. Like there’s no remorse and he is just trying to get me to say I’m the horrible one, the one in the wrong and grovel. He has already started telling people how horrible I am. I can’t keep living like this. I hope I can stay strong.

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