So sad today

[Nomorenomore]

I don’t understand why I am feeling so sad today. I haven’t been hit again and he hasn’t been verbally abusive again it was something so small that has left me feeling so low. I was discussing (detail removed by moderator) he didn’t want me to. I told him that he most respect my decision (detail removed by moderator). He said I do but I think it’s a bad idea. In the past that meant no or there would be hell to pay. I asked him to call respect as he needs to understand what his controlling behaviour is doing to me. His reply was seriously you are saying call a helpline because I disagree with you??? He made me feel like I’m over reacting and that the situation was hopeless. He doesn’t want to change. I just feel like my life is hopeless. What’s the point in carrying on.

[Winterblues2]

You are not over reacting, you are quite right that he is trying to isolate you by preventing you from returning to work. This is coercive control, he is using your fear of him to control what you do.

Your life is not hopeless but I do understand that him removing that freedom to choose, and by preventing you from moving forward and developing may make you feel like that.

Also, be mindful that challenging him and highlighting that you are aware of his abuse can spark negative reactions. I am not saying become a doormat but do not put yourself in unnessary danger.

Be positive, you are clearly recognising his abusive behaviour and posting on here for support. Continue to do so, we are all here for you.

[Nomorenomore]

Thank you this discussion was over the phone today. He will be back later so I guess I feel a bit sick in how he will respond in person for my stand of independence. He hasn’t lost his temper with me for one week and is trying to stop being abusive. I’m nervous that this could trigger another bad episode 😔

[Confused123]

AgSin Hun it won’t be your fault , U spoke calmly and reasonable …sometimes we just can’t forgive them even if they try as we can see it’s a act

[Nomorenomore]

Than you both for responding. I going to continue with my plan one day at a time x

[White Rose]

You’re doing so well doing all the right things and selling support and most of all you are learning more about how to recognise his behaviour.
I felt a lot of anxiety coming through in your post and that’s what makes it hard. We feel anxious we step back into being submissive to stop his reactions and we end up worse off.
Go with your instinct. Get all the help and support you want and take baby steps towards what you want.
You’re not overreacting you’re recognising patterns and that’s why it seems harder.
Keep strong and keep posting when you need to xxxx

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