So so low

[Starla]

I’m sorry to post this here, i just need to get it out and I don’t know where else. I’m so low at the moment. I hate myself so much. I love my kids but I’m a really rubbish boring mother. They have way too much screen time just so I can cope. They don’t get out enough as it’s difficult with their ages and disabilities. I barely ever play with them and I know that they’re both craving attention. I’m hateful worthless and useless. I can’t see a way to make things better. It’s just the way it is. I know I should pull myself together but…im so flat.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hugs. The words you wrote sound like the words of an abuser putting you down. You’re not hateful, worthless or useless. Nor are you a rubbish boring mother. Are you in an abusive relationship? You’re probably exhausted.

It’s tiring caring for children especially in bad weather. Can you take them to the park when the weather picks up? Do you have any support?

[fizzylem]

I have felt this way too Starla, the desire to be a great mum was always there, especially because I know I can be, but the abuse left me with no energy, and pretty ill really. That time has now passed, I’m stronger again and the relationship with my child is growing again. You’re being way too hard on yourself, try to see this as a window of time that will change at some point. It is no bad thing that chiildren learn to entertain themselves for a while and that mum is not a superhero, she’s human and needs a break, can be ill sometimes, cant fire on all cylinders all of the time. I wonder if they can do anything to help? Children often love to help, it gives them a sense of responsibilty, could leave you all feeling a bit closer too if they can understand we’re a team and we all look out and care for one another x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Starla

You do sound extremely exhausted.
You are a loving caring mother who’s concerned about not doing enough, I don’t believe motivation or trying to pull yourself together will help you when you are utterly drained, plenty of rest is what’s needed here, which you are obviously not getting enough of.
Could you make an appointment with your gp to check on your health? You need to get plenty of sleep and also vitamins&minerals.
Also would it be possible to organise some external help for your children, maybe your gp knows about services for children with special needs where they could play safely?

Do you have friends and family who could come by or move in and help you take off some of the work load, doing your laundry, house cleaning for awhile, cooking for you and taking your kids out?

When you’ve regained your energy, life looks a lot brighter, easier and more positive. And you’ll smile at yourself because you’ll be relaxed and peacefully looking at your children playing together.

You need to rest, to breathe deeply in and out, your health comes first before any other duties darling, you do matter, you are worth so much, you are a wonderful person, a wonderful mother, please do take care of your health for yourself and for your children.
It will get better believe in it very strongly, I believe it for you.

Please call Women’s Aid as well for suggestions.
Sending you hugs 💕
Keep posting darling

[Author]

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