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Wondered why abuser had been so nice and relaxed and a little bit helpful recently.
Brought up having another child, I keep saying not now but he makes me feel like I should say yes straight away. Says it’s ok if I’m not happy with another, I say I don’t know maybe in the future but then he keeps going on like it’s the best/only option to have another.
It’s so stressful seeing the argument for what it really is, trying to say no but he keeps going on being irritable about it and I can feel the sulkiness. He only stopped going on when I promised to think about it once I’d sorted some other things out, but I know he’s going to keep mentioning it.
I think he wants me trapped as he can see I’m finding it easier to cope with our child without him so that’s why he gets really pushy. At least it reminded me why I’ve contacted women’s aid as the few days of him being nice almost had me fooled.
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Hi ILoveCats,
It sounds so claustrophobic having that pressure relentlessly on you. Trust your instincts on this, abusers do use having children as a way to make it harder to leave. It’s a strength that you’re seeing his patterns of behaviour. While it’s happening, it can be difficult to remember that the “nice” behaviour is also a part of the abuse, but it always cycles back round to “nasty” eventually.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
I had a scare this week a late period and im old like really old so its more likely to be menopause but still for a day I thought what if? Mine goes on about it all the time and I believe it is a way to trap is keep us at home. Mine has been nice for ages and ages now and Im more of a mess now than I was when he was hurting me as I think I now should feel better come off here stop moaning and just forgive him. Im totally screwing up my marriage and our lives now its all me. The nice phases really screw with our heads the linger they go on the more confused we get.
Im glad you see this niceness for what it is sweetie.
Stay safe stay strong xx-
The nice phases are so hard, I hate him so much when he’s being nasty but when he starts being nice and reasonable the hope and desire for a nice idyllic life together creeps in. Also makes me feel like I’m overreacting and wondering if I should keep trying to leave, it’s exhausting isn’t it?
I hope you’re doing well
X
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