So tired

[UnicornSparkleHead]

Hey all.

I’m sorry I’m not the most active member. I feel like I can’t really give advice to people cause I’m still in a minefield myself. Well, less than I used to be but still.

So after our (detail removed by moderator) ended with me being proven right, my SO went to mandatory therapy and it’s been very up and down. AT the moment I feel like I’m being the bad guy by being so tough on him, but on the other hand I feel he still doesn’t see his n**********c traits.

We were supposed to go on a holiday for a week (all paid for by me), but due to me having a couple of bad things happening at once (detail removed by moderator) I said I couldn’t go on holiday anymore. I wanted to be there for my family and (detail removed by moderator). He got so angry, called me utterly selfish and all sorts of things, said that it was unbelievable that I was doing this etc. And I just couldn’t believe it. In my head, I am really sorry that I couldn’t go with him on the holiday, of course I’d rather have had a week on a tropical island, but with the situation I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. But now I feel like I am the bad guy as he keeps telling me he’s there all alone, and he is having breakdowns, while I just want to mourn with the family and rest up. Instead I am up all night arguing and comforting him.

I don’t really know whether I have become disengaged with his feelings or whether I am right in thinking that his behaviour is showing signs of n********m and abuse again.

[freedomtochoose]

hello there ush

His behaviour is showing signs of n********m and abuse.

Nowadays I think it is hilariously ironic when someone calls me ‘selfish’ when I put my child i.e. my family first.

I am reading your post and thinking ‘selfish’? really?

He is projecting in a really abusive way.

What you have done is sacrificed a holiday (no cooking, cleaning etc?) for the sake of your family’s wellbeing…

This is making appropriate sacrifices and putting your own needs balanced out with those of your family.

What he is doing is trying to make you feel bad for doing so.

Typical abusive and n**********c behaviour, you are right, it is.

No wonder you are tired dealing with all this.
Try to find small ways to nuture yourself with your family…
Build something together, he is jealous of it, but they love you way more than he does…

ftc
x

[Fudgecake]

“Build something together, he is jealous of it, but they love you way more than he does…” This is so true freedomtochoose.

[KIP.]

Abusers go straight for the jugular when they sense weakness. Caring partners would stay and support you through a difficult time. Yet he’s on the holiday that you paid for and still adding stress and pressure at a time when he should be with you supporting you. And yet you question your own behaviour. That’s a sure sign you’re in an abusive relationship. Reality has become a grey area for you because of his behaviour. His guilt tripping Gaslighting selfish behaviour is leaving you confused. That’s because no rational loving partner would behave this way. He also sounds so insecure and needs to know he is in your head while he’s not there. And it’s working. I’d block him totally and concentrate on your family that love and support you x

[KIP.]

Have a look at the post on adrenal fatigue x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there I can empathise so much just now with you. My oh isn’t on holiday but I’m going through a bereavement too. Everything is about him, I’m getting the silent treatment instead of being told how depressed he is or suicidal. I’m choosing my family over him, I’m putting them first, yet he’s the one who never saw them in hospital or visited when they were at home. He’s so angry at me cos I didn’t want a cuddle, he’s punishing me. I don’t care, I see through him now like looking through a window. The more he’s punishing me the easier it is for me making my choices. It’s not easy in that sense, but it is very freeing.
IWMB 💕💕

[freedomtochoose]

“Build something together, he is jealous of it, but they love you way more than he does…”

Just thinking what I wrote. Actually this has been the result of a long journey to write this.

Painfully aware that I nearly got fooled into thinking that abusive relationship number two really loved me.

As I may have written, looked back at my journal and he had asked me to marry him a few years ago.

I was always trying to put my child first. I did. I did. I did.

And now I’m glad. And now I know that is what I needed to do.Got through the confusion and the trauma bonding. Got through it. I’m just describing this because it is hard, really hard and people who have not been through it, can’t always see this…

ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

thanks fudgecake and everyone posted here
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

And reader, thank the Goddess, I never married him.
x

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