- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 months ago by Startingtogo.
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6th August 2023 at 11:53 am #160532tryingtosleepParticipant
Sometimes I wish it was me that was the sick one
Why does he get to take no responsibility?
Why is he the one who spends all his money on alcohol – lives rent free with his parents?
Why is it me that works 9-5, cleans, cooks, does laundry – so much laundry – looks after the children – pretends to be the responsible adult
Just keeps going for everyone
Sometimes I just want to lie on the floor stamp my feet and scream!
At least he has left – but I’m the one left with all the responsibilities…
I don’t remember signing up for this…
Just for a moment – I wish I had none –
I just want to be a child again
Sometimes it all just feels too much!
Sorry – I know I should feel grateful that he’s gone – I just didn’t plan for this…!
Is this just me – or does anyone else feel like this too? -
6th August 2023 at 3:20 pm #160533nbumblebeeParticipant
Oh yes. I self harm i starve myself some day I am on meds as my head is so messed up with what he does. I hate my life Im tired of fighting him while all the time hes here loving life telling me what i can and cant do when and where i can do etc.
Some days i wanna scream its not fair he should feel s**t not me all i want to do is live a good honest life be loved be treated with respect so yeag whilst im still here i most definatly get how you feel.
Scream away sweetie stamp your feet if you want too you deserve it. Take care sweetie xxxxx -
6th August 2023 at 6:48 pm #160538tryingtosleepParticipant
Hi @nbumblebee
Thank you for your kind message. I’m sorry that you feel like this too. I hope you are able to find some peace.
Sometimes I find that walking and listening to music on my phone helps and takes me to another place.
I really hope that in a few years I can look back on this time and be somewhere else though (mentally at least…!)
You deserve to be happy too nbumblebee – I hope that you find that place.
xx -
6th August 2023 at 9:23 pm #160541BananaboatParticipant
Yes, being a single parent can be very tough at times, there’s no days off, no one to ask for a hand but remember it was tough when you were with him too. At least now you’re doing it all without that fear and abuse hanging over you. And Remember he’s not living the dream, he’s chasing the next supply. Yep it’s hard and unfair, and it’s ok to be angry about that but, I don’t know about you but I’d hate to be him, that broken inside. xx
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6th August 2023 at 9:57 pm #160546tryingtosleepParticipant
You are 100% right @Bananaboat
It is easier now – thank you.
x -
9th August 2023 at 5:01 pm #160615StartingtogoParticipant
Our abusers don’t take responsibility for what they’ve done and what they do. I totally understand how you feel, yup it was great to know that I was back in the house and my abuser is on a Restraining Order and can not come within a few miles of me, but I still have to be the person who looks after sick pets, does all the house admin and the garden and if I don’t nobody does it. While I hear of them playing the victim and pretending to be homeless.
Sometimes we just need to face up to it, being out the other side isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. BUT it is a million, million times better than what we went thru. The best thing I did was to find all the empty whiskey bottles hidden around the house and took them to the recycling centre to smash them, just something to say, no more, I don’t need to deal with your s***.
So what if the laundry not done, tomorrow’s another day. The world will not stop if you take time out, even 5 minutes, for yourself, you deserve it my lovely.
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