So trapped

[Toshiba]

I am in bits today. Last night was horrible. I th I just don’t know what to do. I think I’m accepting now that it is abuse 🙁 feel kind of numb now.
I can’t leave because of the kids. Can’t take them away from friends and eldest starts school soon so can’t take her away from there.
I have nothing. It’s his car and we sold our house to pay for his business so I don’t really have anything.
I have no family. I have no close friends close by.
I wouldn’t want to risk him having access to then without me there.
No one would believe me. He charms everyone. Everyone loves him.
I’m just alone and scared and sad.
I can’t phone the helpline. I’m never alone I always have my children with me. I can’t phone in front of them. Just stuck.

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Theyn always are charmers to the whole world, dont let that put you off, the truth is whatever the truth is, could u maybe call when the children are at school,or go into another room and distract them with tv, google up what other local d v support agencies are near you that could offer you support, could your friends loan you some money to get u in to a refgue to cover the rent, then once your bebenfits are sorted you can pay them back slowly. You do need support and guidance around u. keep posting on here and we will try our best to guide you. Have you spoken to your gp about the abuse, at aleast get it log in, will help later on

[Toshiba]

I’ve not spoken to anyone except one friend who lives in a different country. (We moved (detail removed by Moderator) ag)
I have one child who isn’t in school or nursery yet and my other is off for school holidays.
I don’t think I could go into a refugee. He isn’t hitting me. It’s mostly sexual abuse/rape (that’s the first time I’ve really admitted that :()
I can’t speak to my Gp only ever take the kids and I don’t really like him he is cold and unhelpful. Plus he’s a man.
I’ve never said any of it out loud. I don’t think I could.
I don’t want to have to move away from where we are now and move kids away from all their friends. But we are very rural so I think we would have to. All the things I’ve Googled are ab hour away 🙁

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Toshiba,

So sorry to hear about your situation, just remember that you have yourself, your children, us and there is support for you available. I agree with confused, if you can find a window of time to ring the helpline then see if you can distract the children with an activity, film etc. I thought I hear they do email support, but I’m not sure so maybe one of the other ladies can confirm that. There is also local domestic abuse support teams you could try.

Your situation is challenging but not impossible, there is always a way to break free to safety, and to bring your children too. Temporary upheaval for you and the children is so much better than a life of abuse. They don’t want their mother to be abused, they will recover from changing schools and they will make new friends, children are resilient, but what they do need is love and safety.

Abuse isn’t just hitting, there is emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, physical abuse and coercive control plus probably other types I can’t think of at the moment. Refuges understand how subtle it can be, it doesn’t make it any less dangerous or damaging. Many women who have had physical abuse say the emotional, psychological and sexual is the worst thing to deal with and takes the longest time to heal the emotional scars.

Is there another gp your could speak to, or a nurse at the practice?

You could start writing things down in a safe place, it will make it easier to log everything, to clear your head, and to talk about it when you need to.

Keep posting and we will all support you, you can do it.

[KIP.]

The helpline is open 24 hours a day if it’s safe at night. Take the phone into the toilet. I recorded my ex assaulting me because I was convinced no one would believe me. He was removed from the house and I am still here x years later. He had to sign the house over to me in the divorce. If you can find a way to speak to a solicitor I’m sure you will be entitled to much more in a divorce than you think. What he is doing to you is illegal. Despicable abusive behaviour. Abuse only gets worse so try to find time to ring the helpline x

[Lisa]

Hello Toshiba,

Thank you for posting to us again. Well done for continuing to reach out for support and talking about the abuse you are experiencing. We are all here for you and will support you along the way. I understand it must be difficult to phone the helpline safely and in privacy. If your husband is around at the time of the call then I am afraid the Helpline Worker will have to end the call for your safety. However, if you are able to contact them then the Helpline Worker will be able to discuss your options based on your circumstances. It is great to hear you have researched local services, perhaps if you could contact them via email then they could meet you somewhere?

Do you have a Health Visitor with your youngest child? If you don’t feel comfortable with your GP then your Health Visitor is someone else you can talk to. If you don’t feel able to tell them then you could write down what is happening or show them your posts on here.

You deserve to live a life free of abuse.

Keep posting to us when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Jupiter]

Hi Toshiba

So sorry you are in this situation–you need support as soon as possible and have made a good start by posting here.
I agree with all the women here that you can maybe e mail womens aid to share your trauma .Also when your children are in bed asleep you could maybe get a notebook or bit of paper and write some notes about your situation,keep them safe somewhere and then see the nurse or health visitor-or lady doctor-so you can show them your notes.That way it is easier to talk and you wont forget the main points.I hope you see someone soon so you get the help you deserve.
Jupiter

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