So Weak

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I know I should leave my abusive relationship. We have argued all weekend again and I’ve been told I make him want to kill himself, drive him to drink, cigarettes etc. I’ve recognised its abuse for a long time and I know I need to leave, for me and my son. I feel like I am wasting my life, constantly feeling sad or anxious. Times he is away, I feel like a completely different person. I cant think of any negatives to not being with him. So why am I there? I feel so weak! My consellor tells me I’m not weak but that is the only word i can use to describe why I am in this position. She says I am putting too much pressure on myself and I know I am. I want to find it in me to leave right now! I know about trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome… Is it this? I am reading and talking and hope to be ready one day but will I be? Can anybody recommend anything to speed to process, I’m scared this is my life.

[Anonymous]

First off, you are not weak. Breaking free is not easy. They say it takes seven attempts to get out.

Is there any way that you can gather important documents and get them somewhere safe?

For me, I had no idea how or when I was going to get out. Then one morning, it was time.

[Strongenough]

I made a plan and promise to me and my child that we would be free by a certain special date. Once I had made this secret promise to myself and my child I worked on that plan. It was months of coming to terms with my decision and putting in the work to finally leave.

Like justholdingon it was time one day, weeks before my original plan but I just knew it had to be that day.

You are not weak, confused maybe, in the fog of abuse, but definitely not weak. My advice is to keep your end goal in mind and when it’s right for you, the feeling will come that its time to take that leap.

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I hope so! It makes me feel better to know that one day you had the clarity. I’m hoping that by talking I might free up some room in my head to have the ability to make that decision.

[Strongenough]

Definitely! I first started talking to a colleague then I got some therapy, then I told a family member. For me this made it feel real, and somehow made me realise what a messed up situation I was in and picture what my future might look like once I was out. You will get there, keep posting and never think it’s too late to change your situation x

[nbumblebee]

I am so with you. After over (detail removed by Moderator) decades marries and just about a year of having my eyes opened im still here and no where near being able to leave.
I am not strong enough to leave bit that does not make me weak and nor does it make you weak.
I am scared, worried, lacking in any confidence, unable to move, to leave, beaten down so low im even scared of my own shadow. I blame and hurt myself for what he does this life is so hard and only each of us know what we can and cant get theough, how much we can take.
Trust yourself you will know when its time and dont worry till then you will tie yourself up in knots wondering why you cant leave.
Just keep learning keep talking keep growing in confidence and I am sure your time will come sweetie but only when you are ready. Xxxxx

[searchingforhope]

Keep talking, keep posting, it takes so much time to get your head around. You are not weak. You are anything but that. You are so strong and able to have put up with what you have and you will keep pushing and find the strength. Take baby steps, go easy on yourself. I’m still learning that. It is so hard and no one can know what feels right but you. Unfortunately you are the only one that can do it. I find that so hard as much of the support I have behind me. You will get there though. Have faith. SEnding you so muc strength and love. xx

[Bananaboat]

You are NOT weak, not only is there trauma bonding but there’s cognitive dissonance, there’s living in survival mode for so long your body has memorised that as a way of life. Don’t forget the cycle and that hope we cling to during the good times, they say the chemical reactions in us are similar to addiction. I stole this from a quote on Instagram but ‘if you’re strong enough to survive in an abusive relationship you’re more than strong enough to thrive outside of it!’ And their abuse and manipulation makes us forget that. It takes time to leave, it’s not easy but if you want it you can do it. Baby steps are still steps. Stay safe xx

[Newgirl]

Wow this could also be my words but by no means are you weak! Purely realising what is happening is draining and it’s hard to feel you have the strength to leave especially with children. This post alone gives me so much hope. Thank you for reaching out. I long for that day even tho I am scared of that day. We will get there! I hope it comes soon for us all xxxx

[Author]

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