So womens aid had about coercive control

[MummaBear]

I sent an email but it wasnt read out, was worth a try though

Going to copy and paste, wondering if anyone else can relate?

Im no longer with the father of my child. I see my child when dad allows. (detail removed by Moderator) stated i should get counselling and after that i should be able to see our child more.

Coercive control is suspecting something is wrong with your relationship..and then being convinced that what is wrong with it is you. That youre paranoid and you’re overthinking..that perhaps your meds arent right.

Coercive control is being convinced something truthful was a lie..and you were so sure it was the truth that you then doubted every conversation you ever had. With anyone. About anything. And makes you feel you were wrong about all you knew..or all you thought you knew. Then when you realised that the truth you said WAS the truth you’re even more confused as to how someone who claimed to love you could do that. Or why.

Coercive control is the fact (detail removed by Moderator) he has regularly made me wait (detail removed by Moderator) days to see our child.
He chooses when i can and cant see them where i can and cant go/stay with them

I had my counselling. (detail removed by Moderator) He claims I am still a rubbish neglectful parent. He claims he still fears for our childs safety. Im allowed our child alone inside my front door. I must be fully supervised. Not allowed him weeknights. I applied for our childs first passport..being resident parent they had to send to him but he wont allow me to have it. My family have had to do everything for me take me everywhere and theyve slept on my sofa every weekend..but my ex says he doesnt trust them.

Coercive control is being able to tell me what i can and cant do where i can and cant go/stay who i can and cant see and when i can and cant see our child.

Coercive control is him texting me/sending me whatsapp messages telling me off like im a naughty child who is d****d if i do and d****d if i dont, who cant get anything right and gets everything wrong.

My mental health has been confirmed as stable since (detail removed by Moderator). But he refuses to listen.

His need to control what i do and what i choose to do with our child is concerning. His need for our child is bordering on obsession. And its not i cant be with our child..its he cant be without.

My heart is in a thousand pieces. I only feel happy when im with my child.

THAT is my experience of coercive abuse

[Grateful]

I feel your pain Mammabear. I too have been apart from my teenage child for several months now.
At least these men can be prosecuted for coercive control now.
Stay strong and take care. You will get better and happier.

[MummaBear]

Mines younger, forever telling me they miss me, and they love me, they lash out at me, they sulk when its time to go back, because usually their dads at work so more often than not they’re not being tucked in or a read their bedtime story by either of us.

Its rarely us that do the school runs.

My childs father has raised concern over concern over my mental health, has villified me for the fact I was on meds, and the fact that I was ill for a time.
I’m not on those meds anymore, and with a med condition I’ve had for a long time now when my other meds arent right they can make other side effects fluctuate.

I miss my child more than words, I feel lost and empty, people keep telling me I need to have a life and live it

I’ve got stuff to decorate my childs bedrooom, but I cant even go in their room without getting sad, I truly need to start dealing with things.. any ideas of how

I feel so lost..and stuck

[MummaBear]

I realised the more I wrote when I spoke to someone else on the phone from womens aid that the last year has been the coercive control, and the previous three have all been gaslighting

[Freedomfighter]

Hi MammaBear,
So sorry to hear about all you’re going through. Your story is kind of familiar in that it’s what he threatened would happen if I tried to leave, so I stayed and suffered his abuse and control to be with my boys.
There’s no point asking why, yes they are supposed to love us, but they don’t. They only love themselves. They aren’t capable of loving like normal people. I’m trying to divorce mine now but he’s making things as difficult as possible.
Have you tried getting legal advice. You can’t fight these control freaks on your own. It sounds like you have support from Women’s aid, your doctor and family, you need some legal advice to fight him and for your rights to spend more time with your child. Have you tried rights for women?
It’s so wrong that they can use their twisted lies to make us and our children suffer just because we have mental health issues which are mostly caused by their abuse in the first place.
I hope you find some support and help to fight him and spend more time with your little one soon.
Best wishes ❤️

[MummaBear]

I was given the number of rights for women and family rights but have misplaced the paper I wrote it on.
Yes I’ve had advice, we have separate miams soon
All I’ve asked for is 50/50 .. an extra afternoon or an overnight in the weekday when its his weekend off.
I’ve asked that my supervision is reduced more because right now i cant even take my child outside for fresh air without calling someone else

I miss my child so much my heart physically aches. There is much more to this but my comments get amended or deleted due to tmi.

[Sunseeker]

I get your pain, despair and the torture- (detail removed by moderator) I was a mum of two my own business and worked for the local community – today it’s been (detail removed by moderator) since I saw my children and I live in a flat on benefits have no money even though the divorce has come through and no access to my possessions as he took out a court order not allowing me access to my own home – I am just existing day to day …

[Author]

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