So worried

[Benson]

I need to write this down! I have seen my counsellor and at the moment still don’t feel comfortable talking about me! So began talking about my small child and some of the concerns I have. I told them about something they said whilst playing a little while back about what their father did- my ex. My counsellor immediately told me that it sounds like they have been sexually abused! My god, I never thought this, it has made me feel sick, I am now over thinking everything – I would never have thought of it, still don’t believe it did happen but in a total mess.

[Shipoffools]

Hi Benson, just want to offer you a virtual hug….I don’t have experience in the type of situation you spoke of above, but there will be Mums on here who do have good advise for you….but I couldn’t read your post and not comment….xx

[freedomtochoose]

Hey Benson, lovely I forget, are you out of it? Are you and your lovely ones safe?
big hug
ftc
x

[Benson]

Yes, we are out of it- we are safe for the time being. We have had an extremely rocky road to get to this point but we are now have a bit of freedom.

[enofadov]

Oh gosh, I hope this is wrong. What did your counsellor recommend you do next?
I’m glad you are free and safe, sending you love x*x

[Benson]

Its all a bit of a blur, I was more stunned by what was said. I don’t think they recommended anything. The counsellor knows I am trying my best to help my child overcome their fears, fears they wouldn’t have if they had been exposed to the DA. My child is doing so incredibly well – they have been so resilient. I still don’t know what to think about the comment, just wait until my child says something else.

[White Rose]

Hi Benson
I can’t believe a counsellor said that and then left you without any guidance or without telling you what they were going to do about it. You must be so worried.
You’re going to worry yourself silly over this for days/weeks so why not share it with a professional now? Your health visitor would be a good place to start if child pre school age, or your GP or even school nurse if you have contact. The NSPCC can also help as can your local social services or even 101 police. Just tell them what your child said and what counsellor said, don’t interpret it in any way, just relay the facts. Resist the temptation to quiz your child about it too as they may clam up or say what they think you want them to. Just carry on as normal but keep your ears alert.
If in fact the counsellor is right (i hope not) and you don’t act but decide to wait for your child to speak up again they might never mention it again and then they won’t get help they deserve or have opportunity to be protected from it happening again.
You’re counsellor is probably trained to have a heightened awareness of all types of abuse at all ages but if there has been any sexual abuse your child (and you) have the right to have someone who is “an expert” look into it.
Sending love xx

[Benson]

Thank you for your advice White Rose. It is playing on my mind, but my young child said it a couple of months ago and I only told my counsellor as it came up in conversation. I am really sceptical about telling a professional as I don’t know whether I will believed, especially due to ongoing court hearings. I know I recorded what they said at the time in a diary, at the time it worried me but didn’t relate it to sexual abuse. I am over thinking it and perhaps it could be and that is why my child has some of the behaviours they have.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Benson, i hope you’ve managed to get some peace of mind.regarding your daughter. That type of abuse is every parents nightmare.
I think my problems with my husband have gotten worse recently as my son said something accusatory under the influence of drink/drugs(not sure which) regarding his step father.3 days later he said he’d not done anything like that he only said it to hurt me like he was hurting. Hes a young man now but i feel ill at the thought of what he said tho went on to deny emphatically. My head is all over the place.
Its gotten to the stage that i feel as ive looked for answers for so long as to why my husband hurts me so badly at times and so well the rest that im unsure if ive made him fit the spec of an woman abuser or if he actually is. I am so very confused just now

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Benson

I’m quite 😱 at the irresponsibility of your counsellor, to have not reported that themselves a i believed they were duty bound to do that. It’s part of your confidentiality agreement that ay such disclosures cannot remain confidential and must be documented and reported on.

They are the ones with the specific training for this.

Especially as you say it could fit with the behaviour your child is exhibiting.

You’ve had a horrible shock and it must be sickening, so sickening. Very sad for you and your child and I hope it’s not the case but it should be investigated carefully by a trusted GP or health visitor for instance.

Warmest wishes ts

[Benson]

Hi Afer taking advice from here I rang NSPCC for advise and they told me to report if anything else further was said by my child. Nothing yet has come out. I don’t know whether I need to tell anyone further about this. What with everything else that is going on I just don’t know anymore.

[Author]

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