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I had a meeting at the school with SS, the school, and my husband. I left the meeting feeling afraid and that whatever I said, my husband would use against me. Having had decades of marriage guidance with my husband, this meeting felt the same; as though I wasn’t being listened to. My husband firmly believes that he is the victim. Since I have known him, he has always maintained his right to criticise me, and in his absolute right to defend himself against perceived criticism. He sulks for Britain and needless to say, everything is my fault. He has been referred to a programme for domestic abusers and now says he wants to do the Freedom Programme (?????????).
The police have NFA’d him. I spoke to the officer yesterday because I haven’t had the report back, and also that I somehow filmed my husband saying that I provoke everyone (I deserve to be attacked). This was after my daughter assaulted me in the supermarket. It is grindingly obvious that no-one is allowed to touch him, but hey ho, let their rage out on me. I told the PC that my daughter appeared to be acting as a proxy for my husband and there he is yelling that I provoke everyone.
The social worker, of course has to take both parents into account and I accept that it must be very difficult.
My husband is also a liar. He says things which sound as though he is normal, but are in fact untrue.
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Refuse to meet any professsionals as a couple for the very reasons you describe. Women’s aid never recommend joint counselling of any kind for very good reasons. Sorry but I had to laugh at him wanting to do the Freedom Programme. My ex is exactly the same. Even though he has a criminal conviction and years of bail or restraining orders. He’s the victim! And watch how they mirror us. You are a victim now he is a victim. I assume you were offered the Freedom Programme now he wants it. You have a right to see these people alone and it would make sense given the situation that you do. Professionals often just have no common sense x
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Yes, KIP, I’ve had my fingers badly burned by marriage guidance. I think it succeeded in shoving everything under the carpet. I also loved my husband. And for my sins, I wanted children.
I remember a row years and years ago when I said, Thank god there are no children. Now there are.The social worker said maybe my husband wanted some support because I assaulted him. I spoke to the PC about this. An assault does not imply an intent to cause harm. It can be grabbing someone’s arm to say Listen. My husband is passive aggressive in spades. He drips vitriol. I hit him like knocking on a door as he was stonewalling me. I just remember him standing like a huge imposing threatening hulk. There was no intention to cause harm. A very long time ago, my husband punched me in the face giving me a black eye. I have never swung a punch. Anyway, he said nothing, called the police and had me arrested. So his story is that I am a mad, violent woman with mental health problems.
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