Solicitors appt. Afraid. And alone.

[LyriaTwilight]

I spoke to a solicitor and have an initial appointment booked for next week. A friend of my neighbour has been so lovely, helping me and talking to me, and she booked the appointment and is going with me. I felt OK today.
But now, I am so afraid. The children are in bed, tomorrow they will be gone for a few days and I will be alone. I am worried about what will happen, what I will say, what they will say. If I will be able to say anything at all.
And I feel more alone than ever. I have family who live away, none of them know any of this has been going on. I have ‘school mum’ friends who I see occasionally for coffee. And I have my lovely neighbours and my neighbour friend who is taking me to the solicitor. But I have nobody who I can actually lean on in person. Only ‘virtually’ over social media, text etc. And sometimes I just wish there was somebody I could call and say ‘I’m scared. I’m lonely. I don’t know what to do. Please come over’. I wasn’t allowed friends when we were together, and certainly not allowed to have people come over. It has been quite a while since we split and I seem to have carried on his ban on any kind of social life, maybe a habit that is hard to break after so many years, maybe easier to be alone than depend on someone else I guess, I don’t know. I tend to keep people at arms length. But right now, I wish I had somebody.
I’m sorry this is so long, and possibly doesn’t make any real sense. His texts and calls are non stop and I am struggling to stop the tears and pick myself up tonight. And writing it down seems to help a little.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hun, you can call Women’s Aid who are fabulous and understanding. We are all here for you too.

Don’t panic about the solicitors. Get a notepad and write down things you want to ask or tell. Rather have too much information than coming out thinking of things you wish you said. That will be a bit cathartic and give you something to focus on. xx

[Nova]

LT…yes we are here for you…and I feel your loneliness…I am too, it’s tough isn’t it! I’m the same..like lots of ladies on here, been ‘out of the loop’….wish I had someone to call…but in time, these things will be history and you will gradually be moving on, step by step!

It a big deal going to the solicitors and your doing great, with your friend going with you, she can write down stuff if you want, so you remember and as EE says, write a few questions if you think of the things you want answered.

You can only do one thing at a time, take it easy on yourself, you are being as strong as possible that’s fantastic progress!

Hugs for tomorrow’s

Cx

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

I used to always be nervous too, my mind would go blank too, i found it helped to make notes pre hand of what i wanted to discuss and what questions i needed replies to

[jsscollie]

Are you feeling anxiety about being believed? I know it’s frightening. Please DM me if there’s anything I can do to help and need more details than can be posted in the public forum. The suggestions of having something written down – just a list of bullet points and dates – will help you stay on track. Xx

[fizzylem]

I realised that in the end my friends just didn’t ever really get it and that they are the most help to me just being that friend who gets me out or to talk with about anything else other than what is happening; a quick this is where I am is needed only before moving onto other topics. Of course you need to feel able to do this as well, be with folk. Is it time to start having a look at what’s are out there? Groups that meet with a shared interest; take up that class you’ve been meaning to get around to doing for years? Or do some research and look into what are the possibilities.

Talking to women’s aid and the ladies on here is where I can let it out as they understand; I’m also trying to get some trauma counselling to help me work on myself and find out if there is a group I can join with women just like those on here. So maybe you do have what you need already at the moment?

I feel at a loss tonight, I’m getting waves of anxiety because my little girl is back with her father after a supervised visits period and tonight is the first sleepover, mixed with some loneliness as well, so have said to myself I can either post on here, ring women’s aid, watch some tele, go to the gym or do something creative if I can get my head into it – depending how I feel. Perhaps you need to make a loose plan?

[LyriaTwilight]

Thank you all. He is threatening to come over again. After a day of non stop texts and calls again. I am just at a loss now, I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid, that he will turn up. But your support means a lot. I will try and make a list to take with me.
jsscollie – I have sent you a dm but I was pretty stressed out when I sent it so feel free to ignore it if it makes no sense.
I am trying my best to keep myself distracted right now – the stress has made my mh issues flare up and I am struggling with hearing a lot of voices tonight. Stupidly, I didn’t collect my script for my meds, so who knows if I will sleep or not x

[LyriaTwilight]

I hope you manage to distract yourself. It is so much harder when the kids are not around isn’t it! I am starting a group next week called Hearing Voices, I hadn’t thought about a support group for this kind of thing though x

[LyriaTwilight]

That last reply was supposed to for fizzylem, sorry, I am bit muddled tonight x

[new survivor]

You have done well to find the strength to go to the solicitors appointment. It is really hard but it is an initial step.They are really good with you when you go and ask you questions. It is the first step of a long journey and takes a huge amount of strength.

I took the initial step and went to see the solicitor to get the divorce started. It was really hard but is good that you have the support from a good neighbour. Write down what you what to ask and what you want to know from the consultation.

It is good to have the support of people on here and I understand where you are coming from and you just want someone to reach out and hug you and say that you are going to be ok and that they are there for you and that they will help you to get through the hard times. People who have not been in a similar situation find it hard to understand what you are feeling and going through. However, there will always be an arm outreached for you on here to give you a huge hug and to help you to get through and especially this weekend. I hope that you manage to distract yourself and keep yourself busy. It is really tough and I am feeling the lonliness as well as feel that I am on my own and have noone to help me to get through and to support me.

I really hope that you are ok this weekend and the appointment goes well at the solicitors.

Hugs xx

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