3rd April 2016 at 4:02 pm #12855
This is a week, I think, when my ex is back to trying to affect me!
First, he is telling my son he is taking him abroad.
Now, he’s managed to coerce my eldest into seeing him. My eldest hadn’t seen him for over two months out of choice ( he’s been ignoring his dad’s calls, I think).
My eldest had serious revision to do. He had an important exam in two days’ time.
My ex’s tactic was always to try to see my eldest just before he had an important exam, upset him, and so try to negatively affect his performance. Last time he succeeded. My son’s Mark fir this specific test dropped from a top grade to a low one, due to bad performance in a test. This was because – I am sure- he had at his dad’s the previous night and his dad upset him on a deep level. I know this must be true, as that evening he claimed to have tried to put a rope around his neck.
So, my son is going to see him today, be it just for a couple of hours. But what damage can be done in this short time? Will be turn him against trying at school again? My ex actually doesn’t want my son to achieve- I think because he will outshine him!
My eldest is already in a bad mood today. I can tell he feels unsettled about going. He’s very ratty.
My youngest is also quite domineering to me of late. I got upset with him yesterday, tried to make him realise how heave to people.
Phew, it’s all hard work!
3rd April 2016 at 4:33 pm #12862
I mean, tried to make him realise how he affects people.
3rd April 2016 at 4:46 pm #12864KIP.Participant
Trust your gut. Your eldest did well to last two months. If he’s in a mood it’s because he’s doing something he doesn’t want to do. He will learn. Like us, he will keep going back to see if his nice dad is there. Eventually, like us, he will give up trying. Goodness knows what his dad has promised him. I regret not being firmer with my son. You don’t have to put up with your child trying to domineer you. Flex your muscles. They need to know respect too. Stay strong. It’s just another attempt to drag you down. He sees you moving on with your life, happy without him and it must be driving him mad😃
3rd April 2016 at 5:04 pm #12869Confused123Participant
Again his in mood cause his contact with his dad, they dont know how to handle there emotions after seeing them
3rd April 2016 at 6:13 pm #12878AyannaParticipant
Poor kids. The stupid family court does not care. If they did give you sole custody there would not be a problem now and they could live peacefully.
4th April 2016 at 4:10 pm #12980mixed-up mumParticipant
Got to go out now – but will chat later. 🙂
4th April 2016 at 8:55 pm #12989mixed-up mumParticipant
Hiya Serenity – how you today?
So is he actually taking the youngest away – or is he just doing it to wind you up and get a reaction – is he all talk and nothing will happen?
So how did it go with your eldest seeing his father again – did it go OK?
Oh it’s hard isn’t it?
4th April 2016 at 11:11 pm #12998
Well, it clearly says on the (Detail removed by Moderator) yet I hear it from my child.
If asked, I would say I wanted to see the flight booking as evidence of where they are going.
Potentially, he might go to Timbuctoo.
(Detail removed by Moderator)
I do to know if he is taking him or is just trying to scare me. He did take him once before, and promised the court he’d return him. He did, as he was warned of the consequences. But now, he might feel he is free to do as he wishes?
My eldest went- but only for a short while. He was promised a meal out, but in fact only had a beach walk. He seemed okish, but he keeps a lot in.
My youngest texted today: something he was excited about and that his dad promised would happen today didn’t materialise. Why get a child’s hopes up?
Went running today- that keeps me sane!
5th April 2016 at 8:59 am #13004SuntreeParticipant
We have lots of discussions when he used to see them. From the if you contact him he might or might not reply are you okay with him not replying.
To looking back at promises made by him and what really happened and are they prepared for him to have forgotten, be busy or even say he didn’t promise that at all.
There is also the conversation about people who can’t love and only pretend to love, and that they can only keep that up for a while and how they destroy everyone they meet.
The biggest conversation is about how you can chose your words and actions and the actions of another person says a lot about that person and not about them.
I use that to buffer them when they are told by him something is their fault, when it is not or when he promises something and it isn’t going to happen or when he is being fake nice (that one is harder especially when they only want to see the good, which is understandable)
I also use it to help them start to work out how their feelings work out in actions and words and what is it telling them.
My youngest asked if their tummy could hurt when they are scared, when I said yes that was a big eye opener for them.
I used to run a lot, now not so much, really should get back to it.
Found colouring also helps to keep me sane too
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