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    • #14595
      Starmoon
      Participant

      Clearly all I’ve been threw isn’t enough to concretely prove to me I wasn’t to blame…. I get my resolve that I’m not a bad person even though I regret some things… But all the gass lighting that I can pinpoint… It only seemed to happen when something big had happened- when I miacarried etc. so could it have merely been me being paranoid

    • #14596
      Serenity
      Participant

      But isn’t it at times like this- when you are ill, when you miscarried – that the person you love should step up and show their concern for you?

      One common trait with abusers here seems to be that they were cruel, neglectful and impatient when their partners were ill or going through a hard time.

      Isn’t it that they behave more when things are going well for them, and when nothing is asked of them, when they can pretend to the world that they are normal because they have a family?

      Yet when it comes to the nitty gritty ( real life is hard at times ) like having a wife who is ill, a crying baby, etc, that they show their abusive natures, because they are naturally selfish and hate being expected to be there for others?

      They like the idea and the social appearance of having a family- but they can’t cope with what it is meant to be: loving other people!

      I think they get into relationships/ marriage to have their own needs met. They get angry if you have needs!

      You could say that at those times, when something bad happened, that he showed his true colours. The mask lifted.

      When you weren’t asking much of him, he could control you in more covert ways x

    • #14698
      Angels wings
      Participant

      I totally agree with serenity. I can empathise with you, I had 3 miscarriages between having my children they were the most painful devastating and lonely times of my life, my husband just didn’t seem affected at all and didn’t comfort me, he was so matter of fact about it all and just expected me to get over it. I needed love comfort a shoulder to cry on and to know that he felt the American as me. I was pretty much expected to pull myself together and get on with it. I can’t believe how callus and heartless he was. Grief didn’t seem to come into things. Things didn’t get much better with future pregnancies births or care looking after our children I could list some awful experiences. It breaks my heart to see you feel this way. You are allowed to grieve. You are not alone going through this there are others like me who completely understand. X

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