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    • #19648
      betterdays
      Participant

      Don’t always know where I am in my mind. A lot has gone on this last year. Seperated from abuser. Moved out of my own home I were in (detail removed by Moderator) years which I’ve still not fully got over I feel a failure because I’m renting I’ve had an offer on my other house so can use some money to do it up. But this house I’m renting is a safe house lovely view goid neighbours. It’s just (detail removed by Moderator) mins from the ex. I feel my head can be all over I keep thinking he’s going to come through the door later from work x

    • #19651

      Hi Better Days, do you have to be so close to your ex, is there no way around it? I have found that thoughts and emotions are so all over the place, one day you miss them desperatly, one day you have completley forgotton about them and another day you hate and despise them. And then this sequence starts all over again. I guess it would be helpful to remember that we have actually finished the relationship and are not in it anymore and these emotions are just after effects, that is the most important thing isn’t it. Are you maintaining no contact with your ex? I thought this morning it might be helpful to remind myself of my life before i met my ex, i did so many things and he had not got into my mind then, i was free. X*X

    • #19652
      betterdays
      Participant

      Hi healthy archive. I changed my number nearly 2 weeks ago so there’s no way of him contacting me again. I have to do it for my own sanity and to protect my sons especially the one I have with him. Regarding living here I’m going to see how it goes. I’ve never actually changed my number plus cut him out our life’s so once a few more weeks have passed I don’t know what he will do. Whether he will not bother with his son ever again I just don’t know but I know I can’t be near him or I will be ill x

    • #19653

      When I first split up from him I was reading this book called The Rules. It was a very straightforward dating book giving women advice on how to meet & keep a decent man. I remember ending my relationship as he fitted all of the characteristics of a “Buyer Beware”, basically a loser. It might help you to remember the reasons you ended originally. My ex didn’t bother with Christmas, birthdays or valentines, never made me feel special ever, wasn’t open or honest and lots more things. That is why we are not together any more. X*X

    • #19654

      ok, it might be a good idea to remind yourself of what is in store in the weeks and months ahead, certainly it has been like this for me. The emptiness, massively mixed emotions, emotional pain that feels like your life has been turned inside out and the physchological damage has been so real. Every day still is a struggle for me, his silence and abandonment has killed me mentally. It is worth remembering every trick in the book & recommendation that you hear about on here as they really do help. I don’t know if your aware of (detail removed by Moderator) and the HG Tudor books on Amazon, I found them so helpful. Its the right thing to do to get rid of the awful ex but boy, is it hard. Take care Better Days XXXXX

    • #19655
      betterdays
      Participant

      From week one he were swearing high agression terrified my twins at the time they were just (detail removed by Moderator) when I met him. He pored cornflakes with milk over there heads because they wouldn’t eat them. He pit his work boot threw there toy garage. He punched a hole in the door because they had eaten his yoghurt. He kicked my fire guard in and poured beer over my head it were dripping down my face. He smashed my head of the wall 2 black eyes a massive black bruise. He threw pliers at my sons head he still has the scar. He ran at me when I were pregnant with a metal scooter. Punched holes in lots of doors punched me in the pub. Called all my autistic sons mental f.ing retards for years. Tried to kill me and his son in the car. We’re left wjth massive emotional damage wbich were getting counselling for…..what a fool hey? X

    • #19657

      I am so sorry to hear all of this, it is absolutly dreadful. Please stay out and away. You will have a challenge on your hands with the after effects, trauma bonding, but I keep reminding myself of the relationship, the trauma bonding which is a combination of grief & confused mental feelings.The trauma bonding is preferable to the relationship. it does not feel like it when you are going through it. Your mind plays tricks, a bit like withdrawing from drugs, after a while your mind will find some reason to start back with the relationship, its all mental withdrawal stuff and not easy. But preferable to any abusive relationship. Well done for getting away. X*X

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