Sometimes wonder if there’s any point! My experience seems to be brushed away

[Inneedofsomepeace]

I have had another meeting with community mentle health, they have decided the best thing for me would be to go on an anxiety and self confidence course! Whilst I can see the point in this, my anxiety is so bad most the time it stops me from living a normaL life, I avoid any situation where I have to talk with people I don’t know, and much of the time only go out if I have one of my children with me. Myself confidence is shattered I lack the ability sometimes to make the smallest of decisions, I hate myself. So I can see there thinking.

But! When I look at it rationally my anxiety, self confidence and self worth are all how they are because of him! He didn’t like me talking to people, when I did he would want to know the conversation word for word, so now I can’t talk and when I do I have panic attacks and flashbacks especially if I can’t remember. When ever I made a decision it would be wrong! I’d ask him what he wanted for tea, he’d always say what ever I cook but then wouldn’t eat because he didn’t what that, so now I struggle to make any decisions, for fear of it being wrong. Everything causes flash backs, to the point I even suggested to a friend I want a hysterectomy! He was always trying to get me pregnant and would become angry every month when I had a period, so know I dread starting it triggers me every time. So I really think that no group will help unless I deal with what he put me through, but they are not interested in that they made it clear the group is about the present not the past. Somehow getting help with what he put me through is impossible, they’re quick to say I have PTSD but no one wants to help it’s like it’s important

[Nemo]

Hi Inneedofsomepeace,

I too have PTSD and can completely understand you’re frustration as whilst getting help with your anxiety and self confidence is important it’s not really addressing the root cause or your PTSD.

I had the exact same experience you quoted:

“He didn’t like me talking to people, when I did he would want to know the conversation word for word, so now I can’t talk and when I do I have panic attacks and flashbacks especially if I can’t remember. When ever I made a decision it would be wrong! I’d ask him what he wanted for tea, he’d always say what ever I cook but then wouldn’t eat because he didn’t what that, so now I struggle to make any decisions, for fear of it being wrong.”

I’m not sure where to best signpost you for support as i am fortunate enough to receive a holistic therapeutic approach from my counsellors who deal with the impact of all of the abuse (inc. my PTSD), rather than just the clinical symptoms of the after affect (if that makes sense).
Because i was raped by my husband i was given access to specialisit support without needing to see my GP or anything – the police referred me to the service when i agreed to make a statement.

Hopefully someone will come along soon and recommend some services you can access.

In the meantime I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and that I understand & completely agree with what you’re saying.
And I wanted to send you a big hug 😃 ❤

[Ayanna]

(detail removed by Moderator)
Ask WA whether they can advise another organisation. The Women and Girl’s Network provides counselling. The Women’s Trust also provides counselling.
If you have PTSD you need long term counselling. PTSD makes you being stuck in the trauma. You relive it and you cannot move on.
I read books and do meditation in order to function and build my confidence up again. Google what you can do to help yourself. I have not searched for a PTSD group, but I may look for a self help group myself, where people exchange ways of coping and speak about their experiences. Anxiety is really a wrong term for what you suffer from. x*x

[Inneedofsomepeace]

Thank you, I am on the waiting list for a wa councillor. I do feel like I am still stuck in the abuse! I find myself doing things and when my friend asks me why, straight away I’ll say because he’ll be angry. For along time I didn’t watch TV, as it was always something that would set him off so after leaving I didn’t put it on in case a chose the wrong programme. Sometimes when I have a flash back I’ll come back to ‘reality’ if you like and find myself curled up in a corner trying to protect myself from his fists. I sometimes wonder why I left as it still feels like I am there sometimes.

He is soon to be released from prison and I can feel my anxiety getting worse again, I am petrified he’ll come looking for me, I just want closure on it all, but he is still on bail for something’s and there is no end in sight

[Author]

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