Son – contact

[Serenity]

My (son) (detail removed by moderator) is continuing to have court ordered contact with his dad.

Often, he looks dreadful after a weekend with his dad (detail removed by moderator), because he seems so exhausted and unwell (detail removed by moderator) I’ve highlighted the pattern to the teachers.

(Detail removed by moderator) He’s naturally a hard working child, but he seemed very unwell.

Today, (detail removed by moderator) No wonder he came back in a state.

I don’t know whether to make contact with the Children’s Services again? I’m trying to tell my son that he can ask his dad to return him here to sleep (detail removed by moderator) But O don’t know if his father will stop my son From  Asserting himself.

[Serenity]

I mean I don’t know if his fear will stop him from asserting himself.

[KIP.]

Hey there, i think you should reach out for advice from someone who knows how to deal with this situation. Childrens services might be a good place to start. Or the NSPCC helpline. Keeping a journal and pointing this out to teachers is good. Sorry i dont have experience of this but just wanted to send some support x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Sorry to hear how your son feeling, i agree with kip , reach out for help with support agencies and see who can guide you then maybe appraoch courts to have reviewed, def call nspcc and see what they say.

No doubt your son is scared to speak up to his dad, but its good you are making him aware of his options, maybe you could suggest through a contact book if he could be returned earlier on a sunday

[Suntree]

Hugs

I don’t really know, talk to school, keep a diary, talk to the NSPCC.
If it is affecting his school work then something needs to be looked into.
Talk to those who you trust might be able to offer ideas about how the system works.
So hard for children of abusive parents and the system allows the abuse to keep happening for the rights of the parent and not the child.

[Serenity]

Thank you.

I’ve rung some professionals but they haven’t rung me back yet- just to ask for advice.

My ex is very clever. It’s not obvious abuse ( though he has had some outbursts). It’s more coercing my son to stay awake too late, to
attend things not appropriate for his age and professing to care about his health issues- but actually putting him in situations which trigger his health issues.

[White Rose]

Reading this makes me cross!
Can’t he see his child is exhausted???
I agree with your careful approach – to challenge his yourself would probably backfire.
Have school noticed him tired? If then perhaps they could write to “the tired child’s parents” i.e. both or you as you both have parental responsibility. That way you’re not the one doing the blaming and in his eyes you’re responsible too. That would give credence to your worries and documentation in an official way if you ever needed it.
Is he taking your son pkaces as company, to “show him off” it just because he’s there that weekend? could ypur son say no to his dad maybe say he’s too tired? I think maybe not but maybe with support from big brother (if he’s in a talking mood) he might?
How long till court order ends or your son can appeal it – he must be getting close to the age he can say NO MORE now surely – ask advice on this aspect too.
Chin up. Remember you are a great mum xx

[Jupiter]

Hi Serenity

Sorry I have been away from forum and just saw your concern about your son.We all support you .I am annoyed I cant find tel no but a group called Young Minds are excellent re these matters and will help you and your son.They have a helpline too so look them up and contact them .I know how distressing it is to see your child upset but this group can support you both in several ways.
I hope you get help soon–thinking of you.
Jupiter XX

[Serenity]

Thanks, everyone.

The professionals called me back, but just that I need to go back to court if worried.

Even if we did, he would ignore any order. He does right now.

I think my best bet is to really try all I can to show my child how important it is to stand up for himself. Maybe if things escalate as a result, then court will be an effective option.

[Author]

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