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I took his phone off him (removed by moderator) as a consequence for his behaviour. Anyway he starts saying that if his phones not fully charged in the morning he’s going to make my life a misery, wait until (removed by moderator) and refuse to go to school.
He said he will wake me up every morning by shouting at me !He then said (removed by moderator).
We had a meeting with all his teachers at school (removed by moderator) due to his behaviour and he was playing (removed by moderator) with his dad !! -
My heart goes out to you @Caledonia6 . Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You have got such a lot on your plate right now . I am no good at giving advice when it comes to parenting . I ended up being a single parent bringing up two children without a lot of family support. I know and you know that the way you was spoken too was out of order and it doesn’t sound like you are getting any support either. I feel for you I really do . I’ve posted on another part of this forum about how my adult son has made me feel today and he’s made me feel very similar in the past . I have no idea why they act the way they do . People will say hormones , it’s part of growing up . Peers can play a part too I suppose. When my son is stressed I see alot of his father in him and that’s the bit I dont like. I’m sorry to hear you had to go into school as well to discuss how things are . I’m sorry I’m not much help I really wish I could help you so much more . You don’t deserve this at all and I would stand by you in everything you are doing it’s not fair what is going on . I believe that womens aid places allow people to talk about not just our others half’s being abusive but if other people are too . It’s just a thought. I’ve got in touch with a womens aid place I will speak about both people who are unsettling me . Please please please take care of yourself I know it’s hard but being here is a massive step to help you feel less alone.
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@Caledonia6 — this was from a couple of days ago, has anything improved?
Both my kids went through a terrible spells when their dad and I broke up.
One child would escalate things, much like your son threatened to. I found that it was because this child felt out of control with what was going on, so they were parrot’ing dad in order to gain some control over me.
The other child would go and do something awful and then… practically offer their electronic devices as that was standard discipline, after. I found that this child did not know how to contain their emotions under so much stress. I asked that child if it was all pre-meditated since electronics were so readily offered. That child said no… but that was largely the go-to for feeling safe again.
Both of these are two different reactions to learned behaviours from when their dad was here. So it takes a different approach for each of these.
In the first case, I found things that child could ‘control’, giving them some measure of autonomy and helping that child realise that I’m on their side, ultimately… that I wouldn’t ask that child to do something I wouldn’t do; that this child was still expected to do their chores and contribute to the household; so I gave that child flexibility on WHEN to do those chores. So long as they got done, or else there’s natural consequences… such as … the child gets disciplined at school for being tardy … not my doing… that child knows morning routine… and I can help but its not my responsibility, its theirs.
Second case, similarly, I enacted natural consequences. I just talked the child through what those natural consequences were and how I understood how when their dad was here, that’s how they ‘defended’ themselves from their dad. Anyhow, this child gets stuff done now as this child has more of a disposition towards not wanting to be a bother to anyone so long as the child clearly knows what’s expected.
Its not easy. Lean on school for support. Try to enact natural consequences rather than ‘fabricated’ ones, such as temporary loss of tech <– cuz that’s a ‘power’ move, rather than setting responsibilities for one’s actions where it needs to lay — try to take ‘power’ out of the equation as much as possible; there will be circumstances where that’s not easy. And that’s sometimes hard for children to learn when they’ve seen their dad behave in ways without consequences.
Thinking of you xX. You’re clever and you’ve got this.
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