Son’s behaviour

[Caledonia6]

I’ve posted before but my sons behaviour towards me is getting worse.
The way he speaks is disgraceful I’m so embarrassed and hurt.
The last remark was when I told him off for being rude to me he says (detail removed by Moderator). What a thing for him to say.
I feel so sad and worthless at the moment. I can’t even talk to him as he’s always so rude.
It helps to vent on here

[Stargazing1]

Hello @Caledonia6 , I’m truly sorry to hear you are having this issue too deal with . Our sons or daughters can say some awful things too us especially mums . I’ve had my conflicts with my son before I don’t actually think he has said what your son has said too you but he has been an absolute nightmare from being young too even now as an adult. I may sound a bit of a hypocrite because recently my husband has been really verbally abusive towards me partly to do with my son I wasn’t prepared to accept what he was saying though. I am definitely on your side what your son has said to you is wrong very wrong indeed. That would cut me really deeply like it has you . I’m not a great mother like yourself if this was me dealing with what has occurred for you I would be terribly upset and muster over it for ages thinking how can he be so horrible to me. If you have a good relationship with your son maybe when he’s calmer/ in a better mood perhaps you could just chat a little to see if everything is OK with him and tell him your there for him if he needs you . Its so easy too say don’t take it to heart because we do . I will never know why these things happen people say things like this are a test . Tests like this cut deeply and are not what we need . Sorry I’m probably taking too much . I hope at some point you get an apology from your son because you didn’t deserve to be talked too like that . I am so very sorry you have had this too deal with. I’m also sorry if this has not been of much help . Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself too 💜.

[Caledonia6]

Thank you, I know deep down he’s only repeating things his father has said to me. My counsellor told me he’s basically his fathers puppet and nothing will change while I still live in this house. That’s the reason I’m working towards leaving

[browneyedmum]

My daughter parrot’ed her dad for the first few months after her dad and I split.

It was like a double stab in the heart each time she did… first because it was coming from her and it was so cruel and hateful, and uncharacteristic for her. Second because… when her dad finally left, it was like he was still here since she used many of the exact same phrases.

My daughter’s since gone to counselling and she’s been doing much better with her behaviour towards me.

I understand that she’s in a difficult situation where she doesn’t feel like she has as much autonomy, decision making and control over her life. Makes her anxious and scared and that switch will flip where she goes into ultra high gear… because she’s experienced trauma, and that’s how she’s observed her dad responding to trauma and is mirroring it.

She still has her moments, but when I remind her that I’m on her side and then just leave her to think on things (again) … she’s getting better at catching herself rather than parrot’ing what her dad did when something didn’t perfectly please him.

It will get better. Encourage your son to talk to other people about how he feels about you, maybe that’ll help start the change for better in him.

[tryingtosleep]

Hi Caledonia6

Sometimes I struggle with my daughter. She’s also repeated some of the things her father said which can be very painful.

I got her to go to a couple of counselling sessions but she refused to go to any more. (She’s in her teens.)

One thing her counsellor said to me was to ‘try to be a friend to her more than a parent’. I don’t know if this helps?

Xx

[Caledonia6]

Thanks for all the lovely replies. It helps to know I’m not the only one experiencing this

[Stargazing1]

Your welcome @Caledonia6 . Take care 🙂 💕

[Stargazing1]

I need to have a rant because my son is really getting on my nerves . Myself and my son have always seemed to have a different relationship and there has been times when he’s shouted at me in the past. He does get stressed very quickly and has a bit of a blunt streak . On and off for a few years He has lived away which suited me alot because of the disagreements we have had. He has come to live closer to my home and seems to come around to mine pretty regularly. Now despite our disagreements obviously I do care alot for him but he can make me feel like c**p . A discussion about food came about and because I am very aqward with food I declined to take up the offer. He was not very happy about me turning the suggestion down
I said I appreciated the offer (removed by moderator). The atmosphere was frosty after I declined to take up the offer. Many many times in situations I’ve been in with this person I’ve felt like I’m doing something wrong because I’m not in agreement. I’m made to feel I have to agree to everything and when I don’t agree I’m a major problem. I am going to discuss this issue with the DA people as soon as I get my phone call . Its like everyone I’m in contact with sees me as the problem never themselves. I’m feeling quite cross about what occurred and a bit upset. I really do prefer to be on my own I feel so much better when I’m not in anyone’s company.

[Stargazing1]

I’m not a great assertive person. I’ve tried many many times to stand up for myself but I never get anywhere. I know there is a saying if at first you Don’t succeed try and try again. I believe I have tried and it’s never got me anywhere. I did try to explain myself in a kind voice and no malice . So where did I go wrong. My son and many others have down trod me over and over . This is why I do love being alone because at least when I’m alone I’m not getting flack off others . I apologise unreservedly for my rant but I really need to get this out in the open before I get really stressed myself. I hope I can be forgiven . Many many thanks .

[Stargazing1]

Here I am ranting again about my son . He’s living nearer to where I live and he keeps visiting more regularly than I’d like him too . I actually feel scared to say no too him . This is something I’m hoping to Speak to the womens aid support worker when I get that call from them as well as my other half’s behaviour. He keeps telling me about food he wants too cook and for me to eat it . I’ve tried to tell him I’ve gone off alot of food and it would be a waste and I truly have gone off alot of food
I don’t eat like I used too . With my life experience I’ve become a great deal less sociable and love being on my own. With his visits becoming more frequent it’s becoming very hard to keep tackling without a big disagreement which is something I don’t want because he’s not nice when he shouts either. I’m trying my hardest to keep my cool and I know it’s pathetic that I have not been straight with him but he’s got a nasty streak that I don’t like his nasty streak it’s scary . I’m not proud of being a coward when it comes to dealing with him but I let him walk all over me too keep the peace .Hopefully with some support I hope I can get a little stronger.

[Stargazing1]

All the stress I am dealing with is causing my abdomen to hurt alot . I’m prone to (detail removed by Moderator) issues. I’ve recently had a (detail removed by Moderator) and everything was fine but all this stress has started to cause my stomach to be impacted . Can’t Wait for things to get better.

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