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    • #9891
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      I have just watched that programme on itv and it has got me thinking. I know he hit me and raped me and that was bad. But i always thought he was interested about how i looked. All the times he told me what to wear, to change if ‘something didn’t look right’ i thought he just cared it never occured to me he was controling me! All the times he sent me out to buy new underwear and i brought what i knew he would wabt me to wear even though i didn’t like it. I nrver realised i was so stupid. Sorry

    • #9901
      Winterblues2
      Participant

      It’s not stupid at all, all the little things they do to control our minds are what then give them the power to be violent or sexual abuse us. If they weren’t messing with our minds then why would we let it happen? If a stranger beat or raped us it would seem very different because there isn’t the element of coercive control.

      I notice new things every day that my abuser did to control me, and it amazes me how little of my life I had control of.

      Keep strong and keep posting x

    • #9908
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      That is true, It’s like he wouldn’t let me clean because “i’d been at work” but he wouldn’t do it either, i used to live in a very clean house, abd it ended up being awful so messy even dirty. I realise now that it made people stay away which is what he wanted

    • #9917
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hmm, yes, all this sounds so familiar. How wrong our perceptions were whilst we were in these relationships…..

    • #9937
      Herindoors
      Participant

      My ex would complain that I didn’t wear nice underwear for him. So a couple of times I bought some. He barely looked at it, didn’t comment and then it came off. Made me feel like I had got something wrong. Again. Control tactic…
      One of the incidents that really helped me realise i was being controlled was when he wanted some ‘sexy’ pictures of me. I said no but he went on and on about it. So I took some, fairly mild ones without my head or face in them. I sent them to him and he barely acknowledged them. I asked him about them and he barely spoke about them. A few days later it hit me in a blinding flash – he couldn’t identify me in them, therefore he could not use them against me. I had unwittingly foiled his plan. Control tactic..

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