Sorry it's me again 😢

[Moon]

Sorry to be posting again but just needed to share:
My foster dad passed away this morn (I was fostered due to being abused as a child)
I was so close to him and was with him everyday as he had been poorly, but I just don’t feel anything not shed a tear and apart from sorting necessary things for him today I am just carrying on as normal. I am just so emotionally shut down at mo. Didn’t even tell my partner until late this arvo as didn’t wAnt to and couldn’t face anymore abuse today.
I hate the person that he has turned me into and I keep thinking how much more can I take.
He is goi going to be told about the legal planning case this week and I just feel that I don’t care at mo if he finishes me off just got no strength left to fight him.
I am a horrible uncaring weak person ( as he always tells me) 😢😢xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi Moon

I’m so sorry for your loss, you have an emotional over load you got to much on your plate xx

We all greave differently and at different times. When my Dad pass away it was a few weeks later that I cried, I was numb with the loss.

Don’t be to hard on yourself and we care if he finishes you off xx

Hve you got a support worker to talk to? It could help xx

[Moon]

Hi FS

I do have a lovely idva who is a great help… But my partner (doesn’t know I deal to an idva)
Wants me to tell everyone that everything is ok and has promised of we can get all services to go away then he will be better….so I try and tell my idva everything is ok ( she doesn’t believe me) but inside I want to scream about everything he does and makes me do and what he has told and shown me in graphic detail that he will do to me 😢😢😢
But if I do then she will tell ss so it’s a horrible circle I am in 😢😢

[Falling Skys]

Moon

You need to speak out and get support. You deserve a home where you are safe.

My children are adults so ss aren’t involved. I have a wa worker she great, they don’t tell you what to do but help you to gain the strength to make decisions. The police and sexual abuse support worker are involved but my abuser knows none of this, they are my safety net and they are giving me the strength to break free from the cycle.

I know it’s hard to go against them but we have to xx

[Moon]

To go against him is a mass gamble of my life 😢
I was considering going to sarc Monday but not sure I feel brave enough – my daughter is so young so makes it harder:
How do you find the strength to carry on ?? Xx

[Sugar]

Hi moon,

You’ve commented on my topic and I can see from reading that you are too in a terrible situation. I understand all of what your thinking and feeling I really do. When nothing else matters in the world even the loss of someone because your so consumed with surviving the abuse. Although my times have been awful and he’s made me feel so low I somehow someway keep pushing for my right to be free and I Will get there. As will you. Your situation with children’s services is what I’m desperate to avoid. Please please you have to get out before anything else happens. You could end up losing your baby! I’ve inly been here two days and seeing that so many women on here have endured what we have and have found the strength to leave, gives me the strength to at last do the right thing. I always dread ending things with him as I never know what is going to happen but in reality living with him is a 24 hour gamble of dancing with the devil. We can’t live like this anymore. We and only we can make this stop. I believe you like you believe in me and all the other amazing strong women on here. We can do this 😘 xxxx

[Moon]

Hi sugar
It’s so nice to be able to communicate with someone That totally gets this situation, although I’m so very sorry you are in it !!
How can we fight them?

I’m here for you Hun and maybe together we can be safe xx

[Sugar]

Moon,

I think we have to keep believing. But this time in ourselves. I have spent so many years believing in him, willing him and supporting him to change. Why I’m not sure. I keep asking myself why I feel the need to keep fighting for or should I say against him to keep him and his love. When I really challenge myself I think about how I treat my loved ones and this includes him. The very thought of hurting him in anyway would devastate me as why would you wZnt to hurt the person you love? And in turn I then ask myself why does he hurt me? It’s not for love that’s for sure. At the moment I feel like I have very little control over anything in my life. My thoughts my feelings my broken heart and my bruised body but the one thing I do have control over is that I am a mother to my three beautiful girls and for them I cannot allow my love for him to continue. He’s hurting me which is hurting them and I will not allow him to hurt them in that way. I’m also thinking about how I would respond if one of my daughters were in this situation and my immediate thoughts are I would do very bad things to whomever dared to hurt my babies. If my poor parents knew of this they would be destroyed. If I lost my children as a result of not bring able to keep myself and them safe I don’t think I could live with myself and that is about all I can use to keep me away from this soul destroying man who I love! Not having him here is giving me time to breathe. It’s hard but my thoughts feel clearer and I’m less on edge. I’m a long way from where I want and need to be but at least right here right now he’s not hurting me and that feels good. There is nothing worse than dreading them coming threw the door and what mood they will be in next and the constant eggshells. If there is anyway you can leave or get him to stay away even just for a few days please try. You need to breathe x

[Falling Skys]

Hi Moon

people say I’m brave and strong, I feel far from it, I chicken out on doing anything so many times. Reasons I use in my head: Hes not that bad, hes hard it hard, he will get better when hes see that I love him so much, I don’t love him enough, I’ll try harder to be the woman he wants, hes a good father. None of these are or were true. But year after year I stayed and it got worse and worse. I became a robot, the doctor would say to me “do you have thoughts of killing yourself?” My answer was “No, but I be very happy not to wake up tomorrow.”

Things are not ideal as we are in the same property to it sales, but he told me he wont hit me as I will get him out. Yes mind games, but I know it will come to an end.

I see you younger women as I was, but you are realising its wrong and looking for a way out I’m so proud of you. You have made the right moves to be safe and free.

[Author]

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