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    • #19316
      Serenity
      Participant

      I have moved on leaps and bounds. I feel nothing for the man. I see him for what he is- a snake in the grass.

      What continues to rip my heart apart is that he insists on keeping up contact with the kids, and abusing them.

      I apologise to all the ladies here who have heard my story before, but as my ex is stepping up his perfect dad routine, I feel a need to be supported in my view that he was abusive to my kids.

      I will list some of the things he had done to the kids- covertly and overtly.

      I would like to stress that a number of things I did not know until after he had gone- since my child was too scared to tell me until then. Dozy, naive idiot that I am.

      – He tried to get me to send my eldest to live abroad
      – He told my friend when my eldest was very young that he wanted to dance on his grave
      – He twisted my son’s chin when he was tiny
      – He always asked if I loved him more or the children
      – He didn’t want the kids to have anything at all
      – he domineered and pushed the, past their physical limits- and still does in contacts – stupid 20 mile hikes
      – he has made my eldest into the scapegoat and treats my youngest like a golden child- as long as he does what he says, but still forces him to out daddy’s needs first
      – he uses My youngest to look good
      – When my eldest got his first job, my ex tried to get him to steal ( to sabotage )
      – he kicked my youngest in the shin before he left
      – he boasts about my youngest’s talent to look good
      – he tries to criminalise my eldest and jeopardise his future
      – he pays so little child maintenance as he is forced, but it’s negligible. He lies about his earnings.
      – my eldest told me that when I was at work, he made them kneel on concrete
      – he told my eldest he never wanted him and wished he was dead.
      – he kneed my eldest in the back.
      – he humiliated my eldest always. My son wouldn’t even have friends back home. He k ew his dad would embarrass him.
      – he always told my son how rubbish he was.
      – he didn’t care about my youngest fragile health- until Caf a*s got involved.now, he is feigning concern.

      I am not harking back to the past. I just need reminding that he is a child abuser, because he is now confusing everyone with his perfect father mask.

    • #19318
      Ayanna
      Participant

      How can you make the children not see him and cut him out entirely from your lives? That is my only thought to this terrible situation. x*x

    • #19319
      godschild
      Participant

      You have my full support in your view that he is a child abuser it must dreadful for you to know he has to see them.
      Typical abusers tactics show the world what a wonderful dad he is and cover up his vile behaviour to them.
      To say he would dance on his own childs grave is sick and to tell the oldest he never wanted him and wished he were dead. My husband was abusive to my son as he got older, he used to call him a little sh*t and tell him he wasn’t wanted im filling up just thinking of it. I just feel I could die when I think of the things he said and did to him.
      They are so so jelous of their own hildren they want us all to themsleves, he should not be allowed to see them now do they ever say he is abusive to them now, it was most likeley to upset you when you saw what he did as well, so so sick, your view is totally totally correct. xxxxx

    • #19324

      i’m sorry to hear he is like this Serenity. There will come a time when both of your sons will be able to decide for themselves how much they want to see him, I think the youngest is a little young at the moment for that. Although your eldest distances himself doesn’t he? Do you ever speak to them about their dad, his horrible ways and try to explain it to them? i’m not sure how old your two are, i don’t have any kids so not too clued up with this.

    • #19329
      Serenity
      Participant

      I fought and fought for the courts to listen. They didn’t. Thankfully they didn’t believe his lies about me- but they insisted he had contact with my youngest, and now he is even hypnotising my eldest again.

    • #19334
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi Hun

      Sorry to hear u feeling low, I know its easy for me to say but have faith , in time his mask will slip and in time even if his mask doesn’t slip to the public, it will slip to your boys, something will just happen and they will break the contact themselves , the waiting game is the hardest, didn’t I used to do the say the same I wish my eldest wouldn’t chat to his dad, he doesn’t now, I know he loves his dad deep down and is happy with me updating his dad on th eodd occasion how he is , but he refuses to answer his calls, that day will come for u too hun . It might even be something simple as they can see how much u do for them and how there dad is, its all a waiting game. Post as much as u need to on here , u don’t need to apologize

    • #19335

      So sorry to read all that Serenity, yes….that is child abuse. Breaks my heart to read that and they are not even my children. I completely understand what you are saying regarding the picture they portray of themselves being a perfect parent. Mine does exactly the same. Its horrible isn’t it, when you know what they are really all about, and can do nothing about it.
      I am too scared to allow anything to go to court as I am worried sick my husband will gain more access, including overnight, and I am also scared of CAFCASS involvement, purely based on his abilities to convince others of how wonderful he is.
      Beginning of this year on an access day, our son was lying on his back as I was cleaning his nappy. At that time he was going through a phase of spitting raspberries, showering us in spit. Now I know it was part of his sensory issues. His dad was sitting at our sons head end and told him that if he didn’t stop he would smack his mouth. I was flabbergasted, but before I could speak, our son did it again. My husband brought his hand down and smacked him full on in the mouth. Audibly…and our son cried out in pain. I hoisted our son up into our arms and told my husband he was never to do that again. He apologised saying he didn’t mean it to be so hard and held his arms out for our son. Who toddled over to him saying sorry daddy!! Like he felt he had to apologise for his dad doing that.
      I tell this story because no one else would ever believe my husband capable of doing such a thing and its my word against his! Many other things occur too, not physical to my knowledge.

      I truly feel for you, nothing worse than our instinct telling us their dads are not right for them, but the law forcing us to hand them over.
      By the way…..I am not an embittered ex either. My older childrens dad left me for someone else many many years ago. But he showed me respect by keeping new woman out of our kids lives for a couple of years. As such, we put our kids first, he had unlimited access and we are best friends now. I love his new wife, he married her. He wasn’t an abuser…..that’s why we can make it work.

      Sorry for essay, just wanted to say, I know how it feels to see everyone being duped by ‘perfect dad syndrome’!!

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