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    • #18337
      Eve1
      Participant

      My daughter’s birthday is coming up and I’ve taken her to see my parents today for a briefish visit. I can very easily see how they seem perfectly OK, and I suppose I’m grateful that I can take my daughter there and it all seems OK. But I still have come away feeling so bad, suffocated and exhausted. It’s all so hidden but I know it’s there. I stii do want to help mum, but I can see that I have to protect myself and not let them get me down. I come away feeling the beginnings of feeling like a failure.
      I need to remind myself that I got out of a 2 decade abusive marriage and I still need to concentrate on me.
      I’m always so grateful for this forum. I hope I can feel like I can help others a bit at some point. At present I’m just surviving myself.

      Thank you and hugs
      Eve
      x

    • #18338
      godschild
      Participant

      Its understandable that you feel this way, you are struggling to cope with your own issues xx

    • #18343
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hello Eve1,

      Never apologise! Sounds to me like you’ve earned a cup or glass of something yummy this eve 🙂

      For years my family drained me, so I know what you mean. Seeing them felt to me like spending time with the dementors in Harry Potter would.

      We got there in the end. My dad died a few years ago (completely unexpected, so a huge shock. He just didn’t wake up one day & autopsy found no cause of death). One of my first feelings was relief, that he’d never be able to hurt me again. How sad is that? Since then I’ve made my peace with him and feel ok. Mum was awful, quite a witch to me growing up. It’s been a long road but she’s now one of my most loved & trusted friends. We even went on holiday together earlier this year and had a really lovely, funny time together.

      One day at a time. You can only do what you have the energy to. Lead by example & put yourself first, I say 🙂

      Much love S xx

    • #18345
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Hi Eve, this kind of relationship is so toxic. Yes, Swallow I’ve often compared mine to dementia, it’s exactly the effect they have. And the stress of being hyperalert, not setting anyone off, having to put up with hearing all the hypocrisy, denial and implied threats and insults. I do not miss that at all. Maybe try to listen to that feeling of negativity you have and trust it’s telling you something. I’ve still made no decisions about mine. I’m just going to focus on my healing for now. I hope you find the strength to prioritise yourself too xx

    • #18346
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      *dementors – though also a lot like dementia lolxx

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