Sorry to keep coming on here moani g.

[Eve1]

Last night I slept very little between 2 and 7am. So got to work very tired. I made a couple of mistakes. Which my board pointed out to me of course. Later the agency I got the job through rang to check with me and I said I think on balance in doing OK. The boss woman heard this and so I said would you agree with this and she said, I think we need to sit down and have s proper review, so I said well let me know when you want to do this. My insides twisted, aas this obviously means she thinks there are things wrong still. Later she looked at something I’d done and said, I did tell you to di it such and such a way, which I had partly done but hadn’t figured out s certain thing. This is because I do what she says to the letter like a robot and am toitoanicky to relax and engage my brain. When she said this this her face was mean and so was her tone. Does any of this sounds like abuse? It feels like it. Tomorrow morning before work I’ve arranged to speak to the agency and ask them if they will help me find something if I leave this job. I’m so tired solo the time, nothing is enjoyable, I’m snappy with my daughter, my leg muscles are wasting away from lack of use. Do I really have to live like this? I’m prepared to work hard, but I find it hard to not feel like a human being again. I thought I was done with that.
The harder I try the worse it gets. I think she’s trying to make me leave. I certainly want to. I’m coming round to the idea of leaving without having a job to go to.

Love and hugs ladies
Eve
x

[Savingmyself]

Hi eve

You need to look after your self can you get a sick note from your doctor
Have a rest and see what you want to do about making changes when u are rested
Also getting the agency to get you a different job sounds like a good idea
Big hugs x*x

[Eve1]

Thank you, that’s a good idea. Just the thought of having a rest makes me feel better. I might do that. I’m going to make an appointment to see my gp.

Eve
x

[Eve1]

I feel scared now. I was 5 mins late, not even that this morning, because my daughter was crying and upset in the car, she is a teenager but odd having anxiety problems. The woman I work for had done all the things I do first thing and then just froze me out all morningmorning. All day I’ve been playing out the worst case scenes in my head. I leave this job, I’ve got one months rent saved, what if I can’t find anything else? I’m on my fifties, I em feel like no one wants to employ me. Alsoi think I’m too scared to go of sick. She will definitely want me to leave then. I’ve been there 2 months and had 2 days off sick already which she said didn’t bode well. I feel very confused. Should I make gp appointment for tomorrow and ring her and say I haven’t between sleeping well and I’m going to gp and won’t be in? Then I can get a sick not off my gp and next time I go in to work have my notice ready to hand in. Do I give one week? I’ve been there 2 months only. I’m just trying to figure out what to do. Nothing I’ve done in the last few years to try to get a job has worked.
Eve
x

[Falling Skys]

Hi Eve1

You need some support, have you got some like a support worker to talk to?

My doctor was super when I saw him.

I wish I could give you a hug xx

But next year this time all the things that worrying/upsetting you will be a nasty memory. At times that thought is all that keeps me going.

FS xx

[Eve1]

Ive never had a support worker. I saw my local woman’s said a few times before we split up years ago but, I didn’t really qualify for one I was just getting advice and at the time I still want thinking of what he did as abuse. It was emotional and psychological, not violent sister from one thing many years ago. I’m waiting to go back to see a counsellor from the place I went before but they haven’t got back to me yet. I have to pay for that SSSI don’t think I’ll be doing it for long. I’d like to see my original
I don’t know what to do. I’ve told myself im not going in tomorrow. But i don’t know if i can face the phone call in to work. But it’s pointless staying there and I’ll be in a right state tomorrow. I already am. I can’t carry on like this. I need a break.
Thanks for the hug.
Eve
x

[Eve1]

Well I’ve rung and left a message to say I won’t be in at work and I’ve made a doctors appointment for this morning. I feel like I’ve taken a step in the right direction somehow. If I get a it rested it will help.
Eve

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