Sorting finances post- abuse

[Serenity]

I was left in a financial pickle after my divorce, the damage he tried to inflict limited a bit by my parents lending me money, so his destruction plan failed, but I am still in debt.

I have made it my mission to get rid of this debt in 18 months max, so I can afford for the kids to have a few nice holidays, and don’t want this dragging on longer as I want them to live a full life without his permission.

I was always careful with money when he met me and throughout the marriage in the main. He used to boast to his friends that I was low maintenance, shopping in charity shops ( enabling him to stash it away, I realise ). I wasn’t demanding of money in the marriage – in fact, the opposite. I wanted the kids to have some nice things, but I paid. Towards the end of my hellish marriage, I was earning a bit more and bought a few nice bits for the house, as he wasn’t going to, trying to make the house homely.

Despite my buying much of this from second hand websites and even salvaging things from the tip and up cycling them, I was judged negatively for this.

Funny how people view the same thing differently. The estate agent said my family were very lucky to live in such a pleasant home ( decorated very economically, I add).

Anyway, I have digressed.

I have been looking up on frugal websites and been so inspired. This isn’t a case of denying yourself everything- it is a case of not being scared to try for a bargain, and not feeling guilty that you’re not being a passive victim to advertising a consumerist tactics. I buy regular things, but now I am aware much more of shopping around and getting the best deal. I have to. It is a case of getting myself out of this pit of debt.

I have noticed such a difference already. And appreciate treats much more. I wanted to share some things I have done:

-Buy no newspapers or magazines now- just enjoy in-line news

– Buy less coffees out- take a travel mug- or multi packs of paper ups and lids are available.

– I have found some amazing stuff in charity shops, including a pair of Office shoes for £5 ( normally they cost a bomb there)

– Shopping every three days to only get what’s needed, so I don’t end up throwing stuff away at the end of the week

– shopping at bargain shops ( I always did mainly )

– Taking out enough cash for the week and only using this for daily things: trying to not use my card ( hard to keep track if you use your card: you are more careful if the cash in your purse is dwindling )

– signing up to sites like Groupon or Voucher Cloud to get deals off meals out etc

– using the Go Compare website a lot

– Signing up to Money Saving sites and getting emails to my inbox with good ideas

And so forth..

I was always a giver, spending my money on other people, but now we need to be safe and secure, and have an emergency fund, and by saving I can give my kids eventually the little perks I have worked towards all these years.

We will overcome! X

[missgiddypants]

I luckily wasn’t left in debt ,everything was always put in his name so he had to
pay off everything himself but what I do now is shop where I want, got banned from Tesco as he hated it
by shops own value range as he would say not working all the hours I work to have cheap c**p sh**e in my house
now I buy clothes where I want even getting stuff from the net without getting told you only bought that cos it was cheap ,that way their is a few pennies left in my bank account come my next pay day
he worked long hours ,and I worked but never had any spare cash cos he wanted new cars,caravans motor bike
so everything was on Hp
so yep we overcome !!

[Confused123]

hi hun

have u though about doing a iv programm where they wipe 70% of debt after x years or is that not possible cause have house, and yes i too find shopping without cash or cards help fight temptation , and sounds like u doing all right things anyway

[Falling Skys]

Thanks for the good tips. I get paid monthly I transfer the bill money into one account and work out all the other bills for the month, food, petrol etc I get the cash out and put it into envelopes. I stops me over spending.

[Ayanna]

Hmm. I spoil myself too much, buy lots of expensive clothes with credit card. I need to pay this back somehow ….

[mixed-up mum]

Its not easy bringing up kids on your own – and especially when they are no longer at school, but still not earning any money.

I have been in the same job for 30+yrs, and this job does not make enough money to pay all the bills – it was OK when we were both earning, but now it’s just me there is just not enough coming in – we are relying on my family to help with money and food.

As much as I don’t like to rely on other people’s kindness, I’m not in a position to be proud at the moment, and I’m very grateful to them.

But what can I do when I have no qualifications, and no brain, and zero confidence…….

I’m very careful with money, and always have been – I had to control the finances – as he was stupid with money (and still is) – spending on stupid things we didn’t need.

We don’t eat out, we don’t have takeaways – I dont go out for a coffee with friends, I dont go out for a drink with friends, I don’t buy magazines, I don’t get my hair or nails done, I don’t buy myself clothes, bags jewellery or make-up, we don’t go out to the Pics.

I only buy whatever has been reduced or is on offer at the supermarkets (bargins shopping in the 3 local supermarkets), and make from that what we can eat that week.I shop once a week and try not to go to my local shop for things through the week.

I’ve stopped giving friends and family for birthday and Xmas – and I’ve cut right back on how much my kids get spent on their Xmas and birthday, (using my Tesco vouchers if possible).

I never buy clothes unless I have to – eg last week I bent down and ripped the backside out of my jeans – only leaving me with 2 pairs now – because I’m a ‘big girl’ there is not as much choice in second hand shops for my size. Some of my clothes are as old as my teenagers!!!

We are getting by – JUST – but there is no money left over for treats or days out maybe one day…….

[missgiddypants]

not sure if I can mention the word on here but will do it backwards just in case ,if your on bookface there
is a group you can join that has money off coupons and freebies uk ,the lady puts things on all the time
about what shop has what deal ,and other members can post too either putting on a bargain or asking about a good price on something ,maybe worth looking at x

[Moon]

Some good tips thank you
I am in mass financial difficulties and don’t know where to start as he has left me with debts.
Has put half mortgage money in and that’s it !!!
So I won’t be able to pay the bills or anything – he keeps saying I left him so o have to deal with it .

I’ve used my credit card so much to survive since being in refuge – but really need to sort myself out.

Xx

[newlife2015]

Thanks Serenity – your tips are really useful – like you I have been left with massive debts in my name as he wasn’t working and couldn’t get credit but was quite happy to spend so this is the next thing I need to tackle so I will definitely use some of your advice 🙂 Hope you are OK x

[White Rose]

Freezers are great for the reduced counter things that are freezable. Or bulk buy larger packs of meat when on offer and freeze portions for later in month. I also batch make pasta sauces chilli etc with cheap nearly out of date stuff and we eat them over next 4-6 weeks.
I always use my shopping list and apart from the reduced stuff (which has to be a real bargain not just 20p off a luxury ready meal – more like meat counter end cuts or the odd beaten up pie!! ) I stick to it. Don’t impulse buy and if you can shop without the kids even better! And watch the offers – use a calculator they’re often not what they seem xx

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