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I’m spiralling badly. Trauma – not just to do with my ex but my childhood, bereavement and my very messed up relationship with my mum. I’ve had racing thoughts and little sleep. I’ve got a telephone GP appointment later today because I know I’m going to need medication to get me through this.
I started writing last night. A lot of dark thoughts came out (not suicidal) but to do with trauma. Thing is, I’m feeling like I’m self pitying myself, making myself a martyr. I keep thinking I should be looking at the positives but instead I’m standing face to face with my inner demons. Any advice would be appreciated. Am I going mad? X -
No you’re not going mad. Sometimes our head just won’t let us escape. Can you try some mindfulness. Or counting and breathing. Maybe some medication is what you need short term just to get you through this bad patch which is what it is. You won’t always feel this way. This too shall pass. Trauma won’t let you look at the positives. If we had the capability of changing our mood in an instant we wouldn’t have trauma. Be very kind to yourself.
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Hi Hetty,
Just sending a hug. My counsellor advised journaling like you have done, just brain dump on the page, then burn the pages without re-reading them. I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. This is a tough time of year but next year will be better. It’s ok to feel low. “Should” is a dangerous word. You feel like you feel and whatever that is it’s ok. Dont drown yourself in “shoulds”.
Try to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Treat yourself like you do your young son when he is hurting. You dont deserve to feel this way but it wont last, you’re feeling this because you’re strong enough to face it. It will pass and you will feel like yourself again, but even stronger.
Big hugs xx
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