spoke to police

[Teaandcats]

I’ve taken the step. I’ve spoken to the police.
My support worker and I made a call to the police this week and they sent someone out to talk to me. The officer let me go at my own pace and was kind. I cried a lot and was shaking the whole time and she asked lots of questions. My stomach and legs are hurting a lot now because I was so tense and shaking so bad.
I keep flipping between this calm, albeit shaky, feeling and complete panic. Calm because I’ve talked so much this week for the first time ever. And because I’m completely exhausted. Panicked because although I have said that I don’t want anything done with the ‘information’ right now, she said she needs to talk to her superiors because what I’ve shared is really serious and they might decide to do something whether I want to or not.
I’m not ready for him to know that I’ve started to do this. I’m not ready for him to start spreading lies or being more abusive. I’m not ready for everyone else to know yet. I’m just not ready for anything more right now.

[maddog]

Well done! You brave soul. It’s such a difficult thing to do, and you’ve done it.

The police should put your protection first. They didn’t call my ex in for a long time as I was terrified by what he might do. It depends so much on the circumstances. If your ex is a danger to either himself or someone else, they may have to act. They should treat your safety as paramount. I hope the police have appointed you with an IDVA or ISVA to support you through their investigations. It’s such a difficult time and nothing can prepare us for it.

I spent many times howling down the phone to my local support people, feeling so out of control and afraid.

The not knowing is horrendous.

Please remember that you’re reactions are normal. You’re not alone. It’s also difficult when the police work shifts, so you can’t easily speak to the officer in charge of your case.

It’s no wonder you feel exhausted. It’s no wonder you’re terrified. It’s terrifying to make this step into the abyss. Bit by bit, you’ll find the support you need. You won’t fall. It’s important to let agencies such as your GP, schools if you have children etc, know what’s happening to you. You’re a witness to the darker parts of human nature.

Baby steps.

[Hereforhelp]

Hey lovely, I have just gone through exactly where you are now and the anxiety, stress and exhaustion us overwhelming. It all starts to feel too fast.

In my experience the officer you speak to and make a statement with always reports to their sergeant with the statement. You may then be offered an ABE interview (I do not know what type of abuse you have experienced, one of the things my husband did was sexual assault amongst other disgusting things and the police asked me to do an ABE interview which i asked for time to think about.and decided I couldn’t cope with doing that at the moment and maybe never, they understood and didn’t push me).
It may help if you speak to your DA Support worker, she is trained in DA and will offer you support with how you are feeling, she can also refer you for counselling?
Please look.after yourself, make sure you eat (I couldn’t eat due to anxiety).
Keep posting ❤️ ❤️ you are incredibly brave xx

[Mrsbluesky99]

Bless you your so very brave. I was in this position too and I’ll never forget the fear. He was arrested even though I hadn’t wanted that course of action (detail removed by Moderator). It turned out better that way it didn’t feel this way at the time though. I’m now free and doing ok but I just wanted you to know I think your very brave coz it really is a scary time. I hope it all works out well.

[Teaandcats]

Thank you maddog, hereforhelp & mrsbluesky99.
You are all so courageous.

Maddog – The officer has sent me an email with lots of info on. She let know when she’s working next and when she’ll be able to let me know about her supervisor’s decision. I’m really worried about but feel like I can manage it as I’ve got a timeframe, rather than endless waiting. She also referred me to the Domestic Abuse coordinator and said they’ll be in touch.
No IDVA or ISVA (something to Google because I don’t know what that is) but my current worker has a lot of knowledge, so has been explaining things.

Hereforhelp – I’ll Google ABE interview too. I just have no idea what to expect…feel slightly more in control when I have some knowledge about what might happen.
After reading your message I realized I’d only eaten some crackers yesterday so got myself something ‘proper’. I tend to not eat or feel hungry if I’m stressed unless I force myself. I’ll eat with the children today so I can’t forget.

Mrsbluesky99 – That sounds so terrifying. Just the thought of him knowing starts the shaking and my brain goes into overdrive, I don’t know how else to describe it.

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