Spoken out but now doubting myself

[Getmylifeback]

After years of what i am sure is abuse m now doubting myself again 🙄

Whats hardest for me to understand is its not constant, well not the worst of it still the off snide comment for example i got up (detail removed by moderator) to make him a packup as he was going out for the day abd he came down and said what was i dojng. I said making your packup and his response was (detail removed by moderator) .

Fir a number of years theres been shouting, skmetimes over thd smallest thing like when i was away witb work which he hates he rang anx gave me a gob full as i hadnt bought him a new loaf of bread.

I get comments that the house abd car are his and he lets me live in it and drive ut (were married with children)

He tells me im boring and miserable.

Tried to stop me workinv but i refused to give it up so now i just get snide comments such as where are the poor kids being dumped in the holidays or im not allowed to work 1 min past my finish time.

Has threatened if j leave hell take kids, says its easy to dispatch of people etc and that accidents happen.

Ive been struggling with anxiety and even depression i think , tearful, no motivation, dont want to get up etc) and told him i wanted a couple days space. Basicalky he took my keys and woukdnt let me go and made me promise i woukx stay (i was scsred so did)

I spoke to WA for advise and im merting her this week. I then went to my docs and ended up breakinv down and telling her everything.

Now im panicking thinking ive over exaggerated anx its goinv too far. But another part oc me jusf wants out.

I resd some buits on here how the abuser withholds sex and doesnt talk much to the victim and im now thinking im at that stage so am i now abusi v hjm as i dont want him near me anx jump or flinch sometimes when he cuddles me

Im so confused !

[diymum@1]

what your doing is responding to his abuse thats a natural reaction – when someone is being horrible to you you dont want to cuddle them or sleep with them. i think we feel like were behaving like them because they tell us we are but they project their behaviour onto us xx were conditioned to feel like this and to feel scared to act. it takes time but one thing for sure your not abusive xxxx much love diymum

[Fudgecake]

Confusion and self doubt. These are the abuser’s friends. If we’re questioning ourselves and confused we’re not looking at the person they really are. Eventually it drives us slowly mad unless we reach a wake up point when it all becomes clear what’s happening. Then it’s the uncomfortable certainty that the person you love is infact an abusive bully who wants nothing more than to control and destroy your spirit. You’re panicking is a reaction to realising what’s going on. It’s a scary moment. Listen to your gut instinct about this, it’s telling you to go before it’s too late. Make preparations for the day when you leave, it will come if not sooner then later. Knowledge is what you have as an advantage now. Take care xx

[Getmylifeback]

Thank you both. Im just finding it hard as hes being so nice and im just avoiding him when possible, going to bed late when hes already asleep etc.

He even got me flowers and washed up last night, cant remember when that last happened!!

Its my daughters bday (detail removed by moderator) and ive promised her a sleepover party but after that i want out asap.

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