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Hi all, I just wondered how many of you have had to put up with stalking after you left your partner. If so how long did it go on for? How did you deal with it? Did it get better or worse with time? It has been going on well over a year, I have now started documenting it and taking photos if I can and I have had car cameras fitted. He always has his excuses as to why he is there! None add up. Just wanted to hear others stories.
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Please ring the police right away. Yes many of us are stalked. I was too. And yes plausible deniability is their defence. But stalking is a pattern of behaviour. Keep all the evidence you can, there are stalking apps that are designed for you to transfer the information to the police so it makes it easier for their evidence gathering. Followit is one. Don’t wait any longer, talk to the police today x you cannot handle him yourself. You cannot negotiate with him. He doesn’t want to negotiate, he wants contact and he wants noticed. It’s not in your power to stop this so contact your local women’s aid. Paladin. And definitely the police x stay safe
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Mine got worse with time. My boundaries were constantly broken or pushed to the limit. Eventually he was arrested and eventually I needed a restraining order. You can talk to Rights of Women about a civil non molestation order that you might want to explore. The national domestic abuse helpline can give you advice too. It’s exhausting but a year is dangerous and needs addressed.
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Hi Whyohwhy,
Welcome to the forum.
Stalking after an abusive relationship most certainly happens. It’s also can be seen as a form of domestic abuse, but can be quite difficult to prove and get proper protection and help around. It’s great to hear you have put safety measures in place and documenting his actions.
If you need help or advice and want to speak to someone directly about stalking and harassment, you can contact The National Stalking and Harassment Helpline run by The Suzy Lamplugh Trust on 0808 802 0300. Their website also has advice on being stalked, what to do, personal safety and FAQs about the law in regard to stalking and harassment.
Do keep posting here to let us know how you are.
Take care,Lisa
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Thanks for your responses. I don’t think I am in a place mentally to report him yet. I am still untangling his hold on me. I still take our daughter to visit him (I would never leave her with him). For some bizarre reason I am still trying not to upset him. Like everything with him there is no violence or threat of violence, it’s more a lack of privacy and the fact he feels he has a right or duty to keep tabs on me, even though we haven’t been a couple for over a year. I wish I could go no contact but it’s complicated. I should be starting the freedom program soon, hopefully that might make me stronger? I have no idea if he could turn violent, so I know I need to be careful. I hate always watching over my shoulder to see if he’s parked somewhere.
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I have recently gotten out of an abusive relationship, my ex partner stalked me for a while. My best advice is gather as much evidence as you can and report it to the police, and get a non=molestation order against him. I know its hard hunny, even when my ex was on bail, i found it so hard to not talk to him. Even sometimes now I feel like contacting him again, but then I have to remind myself what he done to me and why I stopped contacting him. Its so hard to untangle yourself from them, its like they are a drug that is so addictive. Just try and stay strong!
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