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I have a zero hours contact at work, and a manipulative boss. I also have the offer of a very part time job which would give me a bit of stability and the ability to turn down some of the zero hours work, but unfortunately not enough to cut ties completely with the manipulative boss. Today I stood up for myself and refused to be bribed into giving up the other part time job. Logically I should be proud of myself for putting my needs first. But realistically I am terrified that she will take her retribution by firing me. Realistically that’s the worst thing she can do, and I will survive if she does. But it very much puts me back in the abuse/fear mentality. So I am aiming for being proud of myself tomorrow.
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Hello Tiffany
It’s horrible having to work for a bully, whatever kind of contract you’re on. Really well done for standing up for yourself. I know how hard that is when you just want a quiet life.
Have you thought about joining a trade union? They can support you, tell you what you’re entitled to and maybe even point the way to training. Just an idea – we all feel safer in a group. Good luck!
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I really wanted to be coming on here to say it was all better, but it isn’t.
The basic run down of what has happened is that I have twice verbally stated what I want and need and she has ignored it while telling me what she wants.
Then she delivered an ultimatum with a deadline of (detail removed by moderator), by email, when I was on a day off. I didn’t get the email until after the deadline was passed, but replied immediately that I received it.
This was followed by (detail removed by moderator) of radio silence then a message that she will (detail removed by moderator), sent in the (detail removed by moderator) morning.
I am pretty sure I can name these behaviours. Gaslighting. Setting impossible targets. Double standards. The silent treatment. Creating an atmosphere of fear.
I wish now I had just handed in my notice. But I could still do with the work, so I am holding out to find out if she is firing me or not.
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I have a second part time job starting soon, so I can just put on my CV that I left to do a new job. She’s being unpleasant as a direct consequence of me getting this job, so I feel that it isn’t too dishonest. Also I live in a rural area where people are well known. I have a good reputation, and my boss doesn’t, so I should be fine. She isn’t going to be able to blacken my name.
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Hi Tiffany
You don’t have to put her name down for a reference or even mention working there on your CV. If there’s a gap you want to explain away, insert a line stating ‘Agency & zero hours contracts’.
Then how about signing up with some agencies anyway, while you’re waiting to start the part-time job? You never know what could come up. And it really does work, getting your feet under the table. I started off doing maternity cover and I’m still with the same company several years later.
It’s hard to comment on how to handle the bullying, not knowing what her demands are and why you’re objecting. Ultimately though, do you need to make an enemy of her? Especially if it’s triggering and making you ill? Especially knowing that some time soon you’ll be somewhere else?
I can understand why you want to stand your ground but bullies like her feed off the power play. You will never win as it’s not a fair fight. Much better perhaps to go with the flow, count down the days, earn some more cash, leave without too much fuss? Refusing to react is not the same as backing down. Pick your battles. This time, too, will pass. x
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It’s a complicated situation involving living in a rural area and being fairly seriously disabled, which limits the types of work I can do and the number of hours I can manage, so I need a fairly well paid job in order to survive on the hours I can work. Also actually liking the job I do for the manipulative boss (just not the bits where I have to interact with her). Basically the manipulative boss likes having me at her beck and call, and I have ended up worsening my health condition because there are periods where there is no work available, so I have been overworking when the work is available. Curse of the zero hours contact.
So I got a very part time job which is within may capabilities and pays just enough to get by on in the months when the zero hours job has no hours. It will however, leave nothing to put aside for the sporadic big expenses, and while I can cope without holidays and new clothes and such like, I need to be able to put something by for the car breaking down or buying a new hoover. So rather than just handing in my notice I informed my zero hours boss that I was only going to be available for more limited hours. She offered me what amounted to a massive bribe to work only for her. One that would have basically done away with my financial worries for the next year. But the new job offered me stability and a break from what can be a toxic work environment. So I turned it down. Then waited to see if she would fire me for not doing what she wanted. It wouldn’t be unprecedented. She fires about half the staff team every year in my experience. But I have survived, and she has finally accepted that I will be working reduced hours. Which shouldn’t be an issue in a zero hours contract. That’s the whole point if them. That you only work the hours you agree to. But there you go. It is finally sorted.
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Tiffany I am so angry about how you are being treated. What a hateful woman.
I can totally understand why the situation is triggering.
Ive decided that life sends you these little challenges and now I face them head on, I feel the crippling fear and do what I need to do anyway. I will NEVER be made to feel like my Ex made me feel again and in a work environment the worst thing they can do is fire you, like you said.
Sounds like you need this toxic, hateful lady out of your life. If you have to stay right now for financial reasons, then stay but make a promise to yourself to not engage at all with her abusive behaviour. If she sends an email past the time you needed to respond or at a time when you wouldn’t see it until its too late , my first email back would’ve pointed that out and stated I wasn’t too happy with what she has done
Have you contacted ACAS? They are really helpful if you are not part of a union.
You are worth far more than this womans behaviour.
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It’s fine. I feel like it’s important on this forum to be as open as I can (without disclosing who I am) because other people reading learn from our experiences. I feel like given that I have basically made a decision to keep putting myself in a somewhat abusive situation, it’s helpful for other people to know why I am not walking away. Because on the face of it that’s the right decision. And it is not the one I have made. Although if I had more options it might be, and I will keep on looking for routes out of the situation. With a bit of space and about to start my new job I am feeling proud of myself for reducing the harm to myself by reducing my contact with the abusive personality.
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