Staring

[Memand]

Hi all,

I was just wondering if anybody else’s abuser stares them down and if that is a tactic of some kind. It has been happening to me a lot lately and I now think it is a pattern. After a blazing row where things were thrown and I was told that I am not normal because of childhood trauma, the next day he let me drive (very unusual) and sat in the back with the kids so he could stare me down in the rearview mirror the whole way. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Eve1]

Yes, I have. If I argued with him he’d keep me in a room for hours, ranting and trying to make me agree with him. It would often involve long periods of staring. Very unnerving. I think that’s what it was for. I remember it very clearly. It was horrible. I would tell him to stop but it didn’t make much difference. Thinking about it it’s like a control tactic isn’t it? At the least it’s very unpleasant. I think it was to keep me pinned to the spot. Literally keep me there. Weird how they use the same tactics isn’t it?

Do you have plans to leave? Have you spoken to the WA helpline? What you’re experiencing is awful. Not sure how I can help but I do empathise. I hope you’re coping.

Hugs
xx

[Serenity]

My ex did exactly this. If we went on a long car journey, he’d almost always want to drive ( he always did, as he liked being in control), but then when he got tired, he’d ask me to take over, which I happily did.

Apart from criticising my driving, he would unnerve me by staring at me so I could see his hard stare in the rear view mirror and so I would be made anxious as I drove. It was very off-putting.

He did this without there having even been an argument. It was a passive-aggressive thing on his part.

I think he did this to unsettle me when I was in control of the vehicle, another power tactic.

[Author]

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