Starting a local group for survivors

[KIP.]

There was a lady (detail removed by moderator) who realised there was no local support for survivors of abuse while on Long waiting lists for councelling so she started a local group that now has over 200 members. I’m thinking of doing this for the same reasons. It would be meeting up at cinema or coffee maybe once a week. My friend has really put me off with her negativity and now I’m doubting myself again. Any thoughts. Should I just go for it? Anyone been to something like it?

[duvetday]

Hi KIP,
you should definitely do this! I think it sounds great. I have had similar thoughts myself. I think it would be really empowering to set something up and other people would really appreciate it I’m sure 🙂 With services getting funding cuts etc I think we kind of have to create things ourselves.

[Benson]

Sounds a very good idea, especially as so many loose friends and family few the abuse from perpetrators and end up isolated. It can be very lonely once you have left. It would help give people the confidence to go out and meet new people.

[Anabela]

I think thats an amazing idea!!! Please go for it. It would help many women.
While i was living in uk, thats exactly what i wished was there. Some group of women who experienced the same thing doing something together.

[Freedomfighter]

Sounds brilliant Kip, I wish you lived near me. Might I suggest you find a friend who does support you and take them along. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get a good response immediately, keep going with your friends. A lot of us take time to pluck up the courage to attend things. I wish you luck and pray it will be a huge success. Maybe your friend is just worried that no one will be brave enough to come and you’ll be upset. As long as you don’t expect too much and get disheartened I think you’re right we desperately need support groups. Something informal like you’re suggesting sounds like something I would like. But it might take me a couple of weeks to pluck up the courage and would probably check the place out before going in. I hate going anywhere alone. How would you identify your group in a public place? Sorry I don’t mean to be negative, I’m just trying to imagine myself going, because it’s something I’ve been asking around about. There doesn’t seem to be anything locally. I used to run art and crafts workshops for MIND, but I haven’t found any now that I would like to attend a group. I hope you succeed, it’s something we desperately need.😊

[KIP.]

I’d book a local hall for the first meet up. Get some tea and coffee. My profile would be online so I would be recognisable and the ladies who were coming would email so I’d know who to look out for. I’d maybe take some stickers and pens to write first names if anyone wants to stick their first name to their jumper. It’s much less intrusive than asking people to stand and introduce yourself. We could discuss what helped us most in recovery. What online help there is. Even share experiences of Court and the legal system. Anything and everything. Maybe not even discuss abuse if we dont want to. It may be triggering for some women but we would have to explain that. Maybe sort ourselves into groups of who wants to talk about what? I suppose I’d just have to put the idea out there and see what happens? It would be good to meet proactive women who can help change be the system. I bet there’s loads of women already let down by court etc.

[KIP.]

I could ask my old Women’s Aid worker to come along for the first time and my mum is great with people.

[KIP.]

My usnsupportive friend suggested that husbands and partners might turn up and start trouble. That scared me. But then I thought there would hopefully be lots of aggrieved women that might chase them off and in the worst case I ring 999. These men are cowards so I don’t think they would dare.

[A.N.Onymous]

KIP, I think this is such a good idea. It is so hard to find support and to find a group of people where you don’t have to explain everything or justify anything because the other people in the room understand. I think its also nice to run the group where you can meet and just talk about every day things. Its great because everyone understands, everyone knows what you’ve been through. I think there is so much power in unity. This is exactly the kind of thing I’ve been looking for in my community but with not much luck. I wish you all the best in getting a group going!

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Kip, so glad you didn’t take offence or get upset about my post. You’ve obviously given it a lot of thought and seem to have everything covered. It sounds brilliant. I would love to come to one of your meetings. I hadn’t thought about your friend’s concern
But hopefully you’re right and together or a militant or protective woman there would sort him out.
Your idea of inviting a women’s aid worker along sounds good or even have a word with her about a safe venue or advertise through women’s aid even.
I’m secretly hoping you live near me so I can come along lol 😁
I wish you luck with your venture

[SunshineRainflower]

I love this idea and would go to the group if it was local to me. I am isolated and have lost a lot of my friends so I want to build up a good support network this year. Your friend who is negative and critical about it doesn’t sound like a good friend, good friends encourage you to be your best self and don’t make you fear things.

In terms of safety you could brainstorm ideas of how to plan it, the location etc. You could ask your local DV team for advice on this, I am sure they’d be delighted having a volunteer organise a group like this and they are always underresourced.

[Lisa]

Hi KIP,

This sounds like a great idea as many survivors would benefit from this kind of support. I would like to gently remind you all about safety issues that may surround this.

Women’s Aid and the forum moderator are in no way responsible for security
issues which may arise from members revealing their identity and
whereabouts to other forum users.

You are in an unusual situation on the forum in that you have shared
intimate confidential information, and have told one another more about
your lives than you have to people you know. This can create a false
impression that you know someone when actually you are essentially
strangers.

Because of this I would urge you to follow safety guidelines for having
contact with people you meet online, as you would if you had “met” on any
other online service.

Do a bit of background checking (It’s very easy to be someone else
online). Google details if you can, to ascertain this person’s gender,
age, is accurate.

Don’t reveal your telephone number or address straight away; withhold your
number, and wait a while until you feel confident. You can tell a lot from
a person’s voice, so it’s good to have some telephone conversations before
meeting.

If you decide to meet, ensure that someone you know is informed of where
you are going, and what time you should, in normal circumstances, return
home.

Meet in a neutral place and public. Don’t visit the home of someone you
have never met before or allow them into your home.

Meeting strangers can be dangerous. There is always a chance that they are
not who they say they are.

There are many vulnerable women on this forum, and whilst I don’t want in
any way to harm the trust you have built up between yourselves, be aware
that you need to be in control of taking any friendships forward safely.

I hope it goes well for you. Your compassion and invaluable experience will be a great inspiration for other survivors.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Tiffany]

I would maybe also inform the police that you were holding meetings for abuse victims and tell them the time and place so that they are aware of the need to react promptly if you call saying that there is an issue.

[Serenity]

I think it does a great idea, KIP.

Bearing in mind the safety issues highlighted, I wonder whether you might initially start the group at a family centre or similar, where professionals are present in the same building? There would also be security at the entrance.

When my local area cut DV services and the support group finished, a few of us ladies were allowed to keep on using the building. This is why I thought of this.

Using first names and not disclosing your private address; stressing the importance of confidentiality; all these will help protect each of you.

Once you have got to know a few ladies better, you might consider meeting them outside ( as I did- I continued to meet a few of the ladies I met, and we went to a cafe etc).

Don’t be put off the idea – it’s really needed.

[KIP.]

Spoke to local WA who said it was a great idea and it’s only a lack of resources that prevents them doing the same.

[likevue]

Excellent idea!

With regards to safety, one option might be for the attendees to be referred by the local support services, e.g. women’s aid, GP, etc, so the meeting times and places are not publicly available?

likevue

[Shell]

I think that’s an amazing idea- apart from this forum I have no one to talk to……my family want me to “move on” and “put the past behind me”, and my few friends I have (he wouldn’t let me see my friends so I lost many), are now getting married and having children and buying houses, so they don’t want to listen to my negativity. Sometimes I feel very alone and just wish I had someone to talk to who understands. A group would be amazing in my area, but unfortunately there seems to be none around.

[White Rose]

Go for it!
….. and I’ll come if it’s anywhere near me! Am happy for you to private message me with your home county if you feel ok about doing that.
Start small with just a few people initially maybe coffee and biscuits (ask for a nominal donationto cover costs) and see how things develop xxxx

[Janedoeissad]

KIP your knowledge and experience is extensive. I think this could be the start of something big for you.

You are an exceptional mentor and guide. I really hope this idea becomes an amazing reality for you.

[LizSKY]

This is a great idea, your knowledge is invaluable. I wish there was something like this in my area. Good luck and all the best in getting everything set up!

[Dragonfly]

Hey KIP. I think this is a great idea. I’m part of a secret group on social media and get a lot of comfort and help there. It would be great to have the opportunity for support of visual people, if you get what I mean. As has already been said there’s so much to think about iro safety etc but I still think this would be invaluable to some people.

[KIP.]

I did it. I was so nervous I felt sick but I have members! Lovely ladies. When and if numbers grow I will arrange a meet up for us all locally. Meantime Ive decided to accept women from anywhere although I advertise it as a local group. One of my members is from the other side of the world! She is lovely. No woman is turned away lol. So will be on here less and less but for those going through hell. Keep going. And use the support and wisdom of the women on here who have already walked your path x

[Lightness]

Amazing! Well done KIP!
Hope you don’t leave us completely.
Thanks for all your support!

[KIP.]

Hey thanks. My dream would be if a group like mine was in every single town! How great would that be and it can all be started on the internet so if you cannot leave your home like me for a while I was too scared to step out the door, you can connect with local survivors and local support from your couch. Maybe some of the local group could visit if needed.

[godschild]

That would be wonderful so so wonderful, for people like me who cannot get out alone, I am so isolated, its so much needed, there is no provision for those of us who cant get to places, hope you can bring your dream to pass, would you mind letting e know what part of the country you are in by PM, I will understand if you don’t want to

[White Rose]

Well done x*x

[SunshineRainflower]

This is brilliant KIP, you are achieving so much awesomeness with the strength and wisdom you developed through going through all of the darkness. It’s wonderful how you are helping so many others. Congratulations, I like the idea of a group in every town.

[lover of no contact]

Best of lucK KIP and well done! I will be sad to see you come on here less, you have invaluable wisdom and experience and are a fantastic support to us ladies on here. Whenever I hear ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’ I will laugh and think of you. It took our abusers down a peg or two..which is always necessary.

Please post a little bit if you can and keep us informed to how your new group is faring.

[Author]

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