Starting Again

[Sunshine227]

Hi Ladies,

I’ve recently very tentatively started seeing someone new. I know him well and he has been very patient but I find myself panicking at even the thought of a relationship now. Even the smallest things like going on a date make me too anxious in case I am going down the same road again. I know rationally that this is a different guy and it probably won’t happen to me again but I can’t get past the fear of that enough to let a good person in. I know I am pulling back but I can’t seem to get myself past the anxiety.

Any advice on how to get through this would be much appreciated as I really don’t know what I can do other than tell the guy that I can’t do this.

[Darcy]

Good morning beautiful Angel… Sunshine227,
It’s great that you have found someone new that you are interested in dating it is a big step after an abusive relationship and you are bound to be cautious.
However, you need to have your foundations in place and truly, love and respect yourself before you can expect this from someone else. You will be unable to give out love to someone else if you cant start with giving it to yourself, and if you don’t truly love yourself you will never fully believe that someone else will love you.
By loving yourself you will strengthen your boundaries. People do not allow people they love to get hurt or be treated badly and that includes yourself to. If you love yourself you will not allow anyone to hurt you.
This is a process and takes time. I would go with your gut on how you feel about this man, but ultimately this is about you and your new found standards and requirements and if he is not meeting them he is not the man for you.
I always recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You can Heal Your Life, which will help you strengthen your self love.
By putting in the work with yourself you will not repeat the same pattern as last time and be able to live the life your deserve.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Anonymous]

Well done for taking the step towards finding someone new. I totally understand what you describe – worrying that someone won’t treat you well again. I’ve been a few years free and I still have a lot of work to do on myself. Especially understanding boundaries and earning peoples respect in healthy ways rather than trying to please others. Take your time and invest time in healing and getting to know yourself again. Best of luck x

[Thistle06]

I think you’re very brave to take that step. I’ve thought about it but I know I would struggle to be open and trusting so am avoiding it at the moment. I am instead working on all the friendships my ex tried to destroy. I hope you are OK and I know you will get through this please don’t be hard on yourself .x*x

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