Starting fresh

[Aaaaga]

Hi. I and my daughter are living at refuge atm. I left everything behind me. I’m on way to bidding process and getting my own place. I can’t wait for it but in the same time I’m really stressed out how am I gonna afford buying everything to house. I mean beds, some furniture… I was wondering do you know anyway to get back some of your stuff ? I can’t just talk to my ex about it. We have no contact for (detail removed by Moderator) now. I haven’t seen him few months now and I hope I’ll never see him again. All of things we had at home I bought or my dad because my ex was in and out of work all the time. I’m also planning to apply for non molestation order and if I’ve got it is there any chance it could help me take some things from home? Would police go with me? I had a chance to get some things from home while he was on bail conditions and i could go there with police but I wasn’t ready to face him and I believed he’ll go to prison very soon and I could get home back. But police dropped all charges against him. I left my job due to leaving town and moving to refuge. I’m on benefits now and I’m trying to buy bits and bobs for new house but I’m just worrying about expensive things. There are also our child toys ect. I know it’s only materialistic things and with time I will get everything we need. I just feel really anxious about future and it’d be easier to look forward if I know i could at least have bed for little one, somewhere to sit and eat breakfast

[KIP.]

Hi, the police will accompany you or rather someone you nominate. It might be better to go when you know he won’t be there. Go with a van or give someone else a list of things to collect. Your local women’s aid might be able to help. Or the benefits office might have a budget. I’ve got some good stuff from charity shops too. The non mol order would mean he has to stay a certain distance andnot contact you. A power of arrest added would help the police but they can arrest him if he kicks off when they’re there. Is your ex working? Would you consider an occupation order to get him out the house?

[Aaaaga]

Last time I’ve heard anything about him he was signing off sick with (detail removed by Moderator) and knowing him he will be playing on it as long as possible. I wanted to apply for occupation order but I don’t think I could sleep at night if he knew where I am.
I’ve seen loads of nice things in charity shops and I’m definately gonna do my shopping there. I just find it so hard to let him having everything when he’s not even owning those things

[Tiffany]

It’s also worth checking out Freecycle, freegle, the free section on gumtree and any local buy swap sell type Facebook pages. All of these things often have a wide range of stuff that people are giving away for free. My parents live somewhere pretty rural, and have picked up all sorts of things from wardrobes and beds to a pond liner and a piano for free. And if you are in a city there is usually even more on offer. The only downside is that you usually have to go and pick the stuff up, which can be tricky if you don’t have a car. Saying that I have taken bookcases on buses – they don’t mind so long as it isn’t busy. And moved all sorts of things in taxis.

It’s also worth checking if there is a local charity that helps people get on their feet in a new home. I think there was one in my last city called something like “homestart” which gave people the basics to get started in a new place. Things like crockery and kitchen stuff mostly I think, but another city I visit often has a charity shop that sells furniture, but that same furniture is also offered for free if you are starting up in a new house following homelessness. There might well be something similar near you.

And as Kip says, charity shops can be fabulous.

[KIP.]

Do you have legal aid? Can you get the occupation order anyway? Once he is out and you have access to your belongings who’s to say you don’t change your mind and decide to move elsewhere. An occupation order can be an emergency temporary one. Speak to your solicitor about it. Does he have family he can stay with? Try to think outside the box x I made the decision to stay in my home with a police marker and an occupation order. I needed my support network around me. Neighbours and continuity. The thought of hiding and moving elsewhere was discussed but I knew the anxiety of hiding would be worse for my mental health so I stayed put. He had bail conditions but a non mol can do the same. Only you can decide but take your time and think about it x

[Aaaaga]

Thank you for your advices.
I was trying to apply for legal advice (detail removed by Moderator) months ago but I wasn’t qualified (I left my job then but they were looking at last 3 months)
My support worker advised me to wait 3 months and apply again and this is what I’m gonna do. I’m on universal credit now so I think it won’t be a problem. He’s got family but they fell out couple years ago and I’m not sure if they got back in touch since our break up. He is not on bail conditions any longer that’s why I felt like I’ve got to leave to refuge cos there was nothing stopping him there to try and find me. He still got parental rights and I was too scared he would go and just pick our child up from nursery and I won’t get her back unless I go and face him at home.
Last time we spoke was (detail removed by Moderator) ago and we were trying to sort some arrangements for him to see our daughter. He didn’t want to agree for contact centre and decided to cancelled our daughter passport because he knew that we supposed to go visit (detail removed by Moderator). I changed my number and he wasn’t try to contact me since then or any of my friends or family member how he used to do. I feel like he finally got a message that we are not together and we won’t be. I feel a bit tempted to get in touch with him and maybe try to sort it in civil way but then again I’m scared he will be messing with my head again and try to get control back over me x

[KIP.]

Please stick to zero contact. You gave him the chance to use a contact centre but he’s simply not interested. Wait till you have a solicitor then let them deal with it. Any contact brings confusion and will lessen your credibility when it comes to a non mol. Like if he’s so dangerous then why is she contacting him. Absolutely zero contact,

[Aaaaga]

I’ll try not to break. I know feeling safe (get non mol) is more important than money and materialistic things.
Do you know if non molestation order is a temporary thing like for couple of years or how is it working? And what about hearing? Will I have to face him in court?

[Aaaaga]

And also can I choose court? I want to do it in town where my ex lives cos I don’t want to give him any ideas where I live x

[diymum@1]

Ho there, I’m sure the procurator fiscal office might be a good start, they can also arrange safety measures for you too xx 💕 DIY

[diymum@1]

Hi there sorry xx

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