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Its ok to not feel strong its ok to break down and cry or scream just as ling as you get back up again. None of us can be strong all of the time so sweetie dont beat yourself up for not feeling strong its ok.
We see you we get you and we are here for you xxxx-
Hey nbumlebee, thanks for your thoughts. I’m really not beating myself up, I’m acknowledging I’m struggling. Throughout my troubles I have always got back up like so many here, we know we have to don’t we. I’m older, so have to accept the other stuff that came along to make things so much harder. A warning to younger people…sitting on the fence. The years will slip by and then you too will understand.
Life experience eh! -
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Hi hazydays
I don’t feel strong either even though I’m finally divorcing my husband, he said to me last night that I’d finally grown a pair. I’m so pleased he can’t see in my head and find the petrified, anxious shell he’s made me. I too am of a certain age and hope I find the strength to start again. Sending you a supportive hug x*x -
Hello Twitcher, thankyou so much for the supportive hug, I’m sending you one now x*x let’s embrace being of a certain age and feel confident in what is often said…life begins at..
In your case it’s the obtaining of your freedom that comes with your divorce absolute. I’ve been there in a previous life, it’s really true! Unfortunately I messed up my new begining years later and here I am feeling regretful now in this life, reflecting on what could have been? as I retreat into my shell of isolation at times. Hopefully your life will be soon filled with so many opportunities for your future happiness, you’ll no longer feel like a hollow shell. Look after you, wishing you a speedy recovery and that the Very best of everything will come to you in time. 💕 -
Hi Hazydays,
Thanks for returning the supportive hug, I’ve had a pretty stressful, upsetting week to be honest. Do you find that when you’re seeing just a ray of light in the darkness then something else equally upsetting comes along, I hope the bad luck doesn’t come in threes like they say. I’ve read your posts to Footballfan1 and can make out that you have had more than your fair share of trauma and even though you may not feel strong sometimes i can also see from your posts that you are a supportive, super strong, generous, lovely lady. Sending you a lots of support, courage and hope x*x
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I think we need some days where we can let go of being strong, let it all out, scream, cry, vent whatever.
Go back to bed for the day if that’s what we need.We always then dust ourselves off and put on a brave front for a longer period of time that we let go.
Be kind to yourself, take each day at a time, don’t over stretch.
My therapist said to me, be proud of yourself for just getting out of bed each morning xx -
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She is, I’ve only had 1 session with her, and she was Brill.
I have another appointment today with her.
She got it all so very quickly, what I was thinking and feeling.
She said with what I went though and still am going through, it’s no wonder I feel anxious.
That goes for everyone else on here x-
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Hi Footballfan1,
Was so pleased to read you’re speaking to a therapist, I don’t think I would be going through a divorce without the support and help from lovely lady I speak to, she has been invaluable and has even said she’s going nowhere until I’m divorced. To have someone positive to talk to is empowering as abusers strip all of our self worth and esteem as you know. I hope your theapist helps you realise you are so very special and neither you or anyone on here deserved this life x*x -
Thankyou Twitcher,
That’s very kind of you to say.
Your right, none of us deserved it.
I’m glad you have the support too, she sounds brilliant.2nd session went really well.
She has put me on the waiting list for trauma therapy and given me some information on self help techniques.
I found the information useful and one thing that was recommended by the therapist was something called fierce self compassion.
I’m listening to an audio book about it and it’s helping.
Take care everyone and stay strong xx -
Hi Footballfan1, I’ve just read your reply to Twitcher on my thread, about the therapy you are receiving and the trauma therapy you mentioned being put on the waiting list for, whilst using self help techniques. Can I ask please, how did you accessed this therapists help? I have so many issues related to trauma that I need help with. I’ve had a few sessions with a councillor after having been identified as showing PTSD markers but never was directed for specific help with the trauma. These sessions were started and ended just at the start of the worlds COVID pandemic and unsurprisingly everything was an issue then, it sort of went nowhere after that. I’m about to end my grief councelling with Cruise this week due to a suicide before Christmas that I was and am still very affected by. Anyway, seeing your post this morning I’m thinking I’m glad your getting help for trauma, and everything else by the sounds of it. That’s good to read! I don’t know about trauma therapy? Or how you go about accessing it? I guess through being referred to a good therapist? Who then organised trauma therapy? but who initiated the starting process of all this for you? I’m at a loss to understand how would I obtain trauma therapy for myself?I’m thinking now, that would address so so much, that I still carry within me.
I guess it was the COVID pandemic that put a stop on everything for me back when I was having councelling sessions for trauma. Though the councillor never mentioned trauma therapy to me? All of the 10 weeks were taken up talking about the anxiety of coping with what was happening back then in the world.
Anyway, I am going to Google what you mentioned about fierce self compassion though, it might help? Thankyou for sharing that on my thread, you actually have enlightened me with things that I didn’t know about on a couple of your contributions here so once again…thankyou💐 -
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Hi Footballfan1,
It’s great to hear that you’re finally getting somewhere to help process and understand all of this that’s happened to you, it could never of been avoided even if you were the perfect partner, wife etc. I still blame myself for all that I’ve let happen to me all these years and only began to understand last year that it was abuse. It all makes sense now and I think like Hazydays would benefit from Trauma therapy. I hope you continue to go from strength to strength and find peace from this horrendous anxiety we’re left with from the ruins. Sending you a hug x*x -
Hi Twitcher,
You are completely right.
We could be the model partners, but it wouldn’t have prevented the abuse.I’m glad its starting to make sense to you, and hopefully you have stopped blaming yourself?
It is 100% not your fault, or any other victim.I can’t believe the change in me, I feel so positive, happy, clear headed.
I think the penny finally dropped, the support from here, I’m almost finished with the freedom programme and that’s helped me process what happened.
Also, I’ve been eating healthier and exercising daily for 3 months now, I have so much energy and feel really good.
I think the combination of all these things, suddenly paid off in one big moment.
I hope you are doing well?Hazydayz, there is hope for the future, it might not be today, tomorrow or next week, but peace will finally come to you.
Keep posting on here, share your concerns and thoughts.
We are all here for you.
Xx -
Hi Footballfan1,
I don’t think I’ll be able to start healing until I’ve got through this divorce and no longer sharing the home. I’m still getting abuse but with the counsellor to talk to she makes me see it in a different light.
I’m so happy that it’s all finally falling into place for you, this is the start of what’s going to be an incredibly happy, well deserved life for you. You are an inspiration x*x
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Hi both
Having a bad few days and find it hard to be strong. Friends keep saying, be strong!What I am also struggling with is my now ex has moved on so quickly.
We split up after standing up for myself. It took (detail removed by Moderator) years to do that. I guess when an abuser realises you have worked them out and you won’t tolerate the emotional and physical abuse they then move onto another prey.I am mentally torturing myself and feeling incredibly low and angry and sad all at the same time. What is even more frustrating is the up and down emotions once you are out. I miss something but not sure what.
Today I’m angry and don’t want them to get away with it! -
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Hi Seahorse,
It’s understandable to feel what you are feeling.
It hurts that he moved on so quickly, and you are left behind shell-shocked.He will do the same to his new supply.
It might not happen immediately, it will happen.
Remember you are best off out of the abusive relationship.
You have courage , it takes a lot to leave an abusive relationship and stand up for yourself.
Give yourself time to heal, don’t rush though the healing process.
You will have up and down days.
You will move forward, then backwards, then forward some more.
Be kind to yourself, do things you enjoy, things you weren’t able to do when in the abusive relationship.
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