Staying in

[PaleBlueStar]

(Detail removed by moderator)

But who chose to ‘stay’ rather than leave?

I have and let me tell you, it’s not recognised as a good course of action by the experts in domestic abuse.

But it is what many lawyers advise.

So there is conflict.

Which is confusing for women.

I’ve had to fight for everything I have. I was an abused teenage mother and survived. I worked and built up assets. My second baby father is again abusive. I’m fighting my corner with a solicitor. I don’t fit the typical profile.

What about you?

[KIP.]

I chose to stay. He was arrested and removed from the property. I chose to fight. I wasn’t allowed to work so he built the assets which I got a good share of in the divorce. Even though he was unreasonable every step of the way. I know I’m one of the lucky ones. Ducks in a row before tackling an abuser x

[ISOPeace]

PaleBlueStar I’m assuming your post is about staying while you sort out the divorce, because you mention a solicitor, not choosing not to leave at all.

It’s interesting that this is the second post I’ve read today where solicitors have advised staying. My solicitor said it would be more straightforward from a legal perspective if I stayed during the divorce, but that they wouldn’t stay if they were in my situation.

A big part of me wants to say staying is never the best thing because of the trauma that abuse causes for you and your children. But I’m no expert on your personal situation even if I knew all the detail and I’m sure there are lots of people in your situation given how common abuse is. Thank you for bringing it up. I think it’s important to bring up all the different issues/situations that arise. The more our eyes are open, the better we an make decisions for ourselves.

I hope you’re doing ok. You sound very strong. xxxx

[Watersprite]

I think we have to be a bit careful here. I admire the bravery BUT For some women staying is simply too dangerous for them and their children. For others it isn’t. We fled. Left everything. Safety first.X

[KIP.]

Totally agree Watersprite. Safety first. That might mean a refuge or temporary accommodation and a fight from a safe place. Or simply walking away with nothing. Everyone is different but there was lots of help for me to stay. The police and courts. The civil route for a restraining order. It was a long exhausting battle that I’m still stuck in. We do what feels right for us at the time x

[Anonymous]

I tried to leave but didn’t have support from family and was scared that leaving might enrage him further so I stayed and suffered until I could take no more and then eventually applied for a non-molestation order with support from my solicitor. I suppose things just unfolded and I can’t believe how I got through living with my my ex for so long after Separating..Please keep posting on here as you go through things, whether you stay or not it’s going to be a fight so get as much support as you can x

[Eggshells]

I stayed for as long as I could but eventually it was just too much.

I don’t know the details of your relationship but for my ex, me staying in the house just gave him the opportunity to mount a relentless campaign of trying to get me to stay. In his desperation, he looped through the abuse cycle several times a day. I ended up locking myself I’m my bedroom too scared to even get myself a cup of tea. It brought me to my knees.

For as long as you remain in the house, please be very aware of what it might be doing to your mental health as the abuse ramps up and be prepared to get out before you break. xx

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