Staying with men because you are not sure of your options:

[Healthyarchive]

I was looking at (detail removed by Moderator) and saw that there is a solos holiday meet up group, (removed by moderator)

The holidays look really great. When I was married i thought my life & confidence was wrapped up in my marriage , that I had no life without it. I wasn’t aware of my legal or social options or my entitlements, this was a huge factor in why I stayed. I discovered by accident that I would get a percentage of our house sale and that I could afford to buy my own house with that (scary but true). I know now after years of leaving that there is a great life out there for the single woman, it’s not essential to stay with a man just to give you a social life as I used to believe. There is no need to stick in a horrible relationship when every single option is yours for the taking out of it. I am currently thinking about my Christmas & new year, there will be at least one great party where I get dolled up & lots of other fun things too. This is after the holiday that I have later this year with one of the groups. These are all via the social groups that I have joined, mainly (detail removed by Moderator), (removed by moderator) & other groups. I am a shy person & go alone never knowing anybody at first.😀It is not essential to mix and chat if you don’t want, the experiences get you out there & are lovely. They also involve normal, non abuse related people. X*X

[Healthyarchive]

PS: I have recently seen a film advertised in the paper, I really want to see this film.

I have just looked on the internet at the film preview, it was so funny I was sitting here in fits of laughter. I am going to see the film soon with the (detail removed by Moderator). I will laugh until my sides split, make my own way there, pay for myself, dress how I want to, talk to who I want to, or not. Come home when I want to. I might meet some potential friends.

Contrast when in abusive relationship: Ex would not go to cinema as too mean with money: I would not feel attractive or good enough for him so will be walking on eggshells: I would miss out on film I really want to see: We would stay in, I would look and feel uncomfortable, he would be gas lighting me and getting into the inner workings of my mind making me believe I am crazy.

How can you possibly compare the two scenarios.

[lover of no contact]

I love your spirit Healthyarchive. Just shows you can’t keep a good woman down lol. You are a great role-model for us. I went to the sea today and had a lovely relaxing day basking in the sunshine, on my own, alone but not lonely (surrounded by other people relaxing by the sea). Your post on Saturday (sharing with us your trip to the sea) inspired me to go, and as a result I had a lovely day.

I read an article I had saved a while back about going on a ‘Man Ban’ (a dude detox). ‘Any detox we take we feel much better after, full of energy and empowered. That’s because we’ve got rid of the toxins. A ‘Man Ban’ can work wonders for our life. We get to free ourselves from man pain and to work on becoming more self-sufficient, more independent and strong.

So its ‘bye-bye guys’ for 2016 for me. I’m starting a ‘self-imposed dude detox’. And I’m learning to enjoy my own company, and to discover what makes ME happy.

[Healthyarchive]

I really love the idea of a dude detox, i’m going at it hammer & tongs!!! I now have 3 of Serenity’s posts pinned up in my kitchen, she is so wise and all for us women getting our good selves back.

I’ve always been really careful about working out and keeping in shape, I realize now this was a lot to do with keeping myself physically attractive for men. I have found that I am now eating a lot of junk food and not exercising as much as I have done before. I do hope, although I have let my horrible past life go, that i can regain my former healthy motivation to look after myself physically. I did a fantastic hardcore hike yesterday, only to scoff copious amounts of crisps, chocolate and chips afterwards. I hate doing this but can’t seem to get a grip on it. Thank you for your positive comments LONC. X*X

[Millionpieces]

Hi HA,
I always looked up to the activities that (detail removed by Moderator) does but I haven’t able to do it as I am not confident enough to meet new friends.
I have met new house mate and I think I am doing well but still struggling to bring my self to go to their meet. I haven’t able to do solo trip or holiday, I always arrange to be with friends which I think not the best choice (need to adjust everything to friends needs)
My goal is to be able to do solo trip.

[Serenity]

‘Man ban’ and ‘dude detox’: what great concepts!

Thanks for your kind words, HA. I am a bit of an avid reader and researcher, and have collected a lot of brilliant ideas in the course of my reading!

I think we do comfort eat to compensate for a lack of physical intimacy and affection, and as I put in another post, I think you crave carbohydrates when you’ve been through trauma. I know I did. I think walking is great: it keeps your levels of fitness up, clarifies your mind and helps to balance your emotions.

[Anonymous]

Dear Million Pieces, I understand how difficult it can be with these groups. I am a very shy person, a loner really. I am a member of 3 groups, I do things with them because I want a life outside of sitting on my settee on my PC every night, normally scoffing junk food. Most or the time, or every time, I do not stay long, I say to myself that I will stay for 2 hours. One of my groups meets once a month for a social drink. Most people either have not met before or only know each other vaguely. I say to myself that I will stay for 2 hours and during that time I make a special effort to try to be friendly and talk to a few people. There are advantages to doing this, you get out and meet new people, opportunities and options open up and you get to make an effort with your appearance for a change this is something that I like. I am going on holiday later this year with a group of 10 people that I don’t know, it will be fantastic. I have arranged my own room, will take some great novels to read, will not spend every day or evening with them, its really very laid back. I’m trying to build a better life for myself, you can do that too, despite shyness awkwardness and not knowing anybody at first. X*X

[Millionpieces]

Hi Itshisproblem
Thank you, I believe the first is the hardest. And I haven’t able to make the first step. I alsways think going to be more fun with new people. I will keep pushing my self to make the first step.

X
MP

[Author]

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