Steps in the right direction

[Lightning-Jet]

I have started on the Freedom programme, which I know is going to benefit me immensely, I have also downloaded Pat Craven’s book – Living with the Dominator which I intend on reading.
I also have one2one sessions with a support worker, all steps in the right direction and positive steps to getting my abuser out of my life and moving forward with my life.
It’s not easy, I even have felt guilty about going behind my abusers back. But I realise that I actually have nothing to feel guilty about. I haven’t caused any of this, there is no excuse for the behaviour, he won’t change & I know that & I have accepted that. This has been a long time coming, but now that I have accepted the situation I am in, I can move forward and get my life back.

Come on ladies, we can do this!

[backtome]

Love this Lightning-Jet, stay strong and you have no need to feel guilty. Can I ask how you go about getting a support worker? Do you get that through women’s aid or your GP etc? Obviously if you’d rather not say don’t feel you have to. x

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi backtome,

Thank you, I know it will be a long road to get back on track, but it’s a road I need to travel. The guilt feelings I’m sure is partially down to the years of abuse I have suffered, the manipulative ways of the abuser oddly makes you feel like the guilty one.

There are numerous ways you can find local support, you can call the national line, they have the local support information and phone numbers, you can check on your local councils website for domestic abuse support and if you wish you can also visit your GP.

I found mine through my local council website and I am so pleased that I did.

I hope you find the local support you need, its the best thing I’ve done xx

[lover of no contact]

Gosh well done Lighting-jet you are taking the action. Small steps all add up. We’d never eat an elephant in one day but day by day one bite at a time.

Day by day small actions taken with a view to leaving the abusive relationship will work.

[Lightning-Jet]

Thank you Loverofnocontact, I think the programme is going to be great for me and the help from my support worker will be invaluable.

Exactly, little steps in the right direction will get me where I want to be. I know it will take time and I also know it will be worth it in the end!

I am feeling much more positive about my outlook. I know there is a better life out there for me!

[lover of no contact]

I found decluttering helped me too. divide possessions into clothes, books, paperwork and kimono (ornaments, bits n’ pieces) and photographs. Google Marie Kondo and ‘the life-changing magic of tidying up’. Her method says let go of anything that doesn’t inspire joy (abuser top of the list! lol).

Learned helplessness is a natural response to being abused that’s why any action at all pertaining to a plan to end abusive relationship is good. So all the actions you have taken plus decluttering and posting on here are all worthwhile and powerful actions.

[Lightning-Jet]

Oh yes, I have downloaded one of the books and have a hard copy of the book Spark Joy, I am starting to go through my belongings now. Trying to get all my clothes together and go through them. I have already got a couple of bags to go to a carboot sale.

I will get there, I am fed up of every day ending up the same. Its time to regain control and take my life back!

[Author]

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