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There’s so much going on, so many loose ends I’m trying to tie off before I leave. Some I’ve realised I’ll need to let go, it’s too much to do when trying to finalising packing, (let lawyer deal with it), not being able to take things down because he’ll see they’re missing, so many little journeys. I’ve been so sick all week, should be resting but can’t. Can’t put this of anither week. Now I have the key, I want away from here, away from him.
I’ve had my initial U/C meeting, handed in a fitnote, because I’m obviously not, haven’t worked in years due to an ongoing health problem, now with this trauma, I’m not sure what the future will bring, but I’ve made my claim, with the help of my support worker. They are like the friend we don’t have,💞 well that’s how I feel about her. We’ve had a ☕ after the meeting with DWP🙂
Life with my oh is strained at the moment, sometimes the reality hits me, but I’m feeling nothing. There’s maybe a wee moment of civility, not strained, a kind of a ease that does come with long-term partners, then it’s gone, something I say or don’t will set him off. My daughter is helping my dad around the house just now. When he found out where they’d been recently he said we could have arranged something in order for him to pick up what he needed, it wouldn’t have been a problem! Yet he’s the one who wants nothing to do with my family, says they’re only around when they want something! Said she was only going with him to see what she could get out of him, or words to that effect. As I’m his daughter I should be doing things like this for him, not her, what a joke, then he’d accuse me of always running after him, not letting him alone.
Again something happened (detail removed by Moderator), again he said I’m the one causing the arguements, why don’t I just get to f..k🤨. Now I know turning it around he’s telling me he’s causing them and that he should GTF, but it’s helped me in knowing I am doing the right thing.
No I’m not looking forward to the time I tell him I’m not coming back, that I’ve left, but I’ll deal with it one way or another.
So last night I was awake the whole night, trying to practice LOA, but there’s too many thoughts running around in my head. I must have feel asleep about 5ish, then woke up again as he was going to work. I know he was awake on and off during the night too. In my head I’m phoning those companies we’re tied to financially, I’m packing things up, travelling to the flat, I’m exhausted, oh and did I say I’m really sick, Lord knows where I’m getting the strength to do this. But I am and I will do this.
Why, because the alternative isn’t worth thinking about never mind accepting.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞 -
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Hi IWMB,
Well isn’t he charming… It’s good to read you still see through it and know it’s him. Well done for having this awakening and staying awake. It’s no easy feat.
In spirit I’m helping you pack the last few things, severing the last few strings and by your side when you take the last step into your flat. You are such and inspiration to me, you deserve all the happiness and peace in the world. -
I think if you feel ready to go you should grab that feeling and leave. You don’t have to stick to the date in your mind. The hanging things you can get when he’s at work on the day you leave. I would just go and tell him nothing. You owe him nothing. See how long before he notices you’re gone. He’s going to twist and justify anything you say. The ultimate hurt for him will be total non contact. Let him work out for himself why you left. Look after yourself and don’t give him an inch x
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Oh he’ll notice me not being there alright, he always phones on his way home from his weekend thing with the ‘guys. I’m sitting in the flat right now, with bags needing unpacked, though not over many, drinking a cup of tea, and it’s so peaceful. Yes, I can hear a neighbours tv but it’s not too loud and I can hear the gentle sound of cars driving by the front of the flat, I’m in the back, it’s very calming.💜 I’m trying not to unpack, so it will give me something to do. I’ve also found my knitting bag🤣 I’ve been busy this morning, few things done on my to-do list😊. Time to go back to my other life, my wee dog will need out, don’t want to get her too used to that,in case she has to be in her crate all day while he’s at work, (if he refuses to let me walk he, that’ll be his choice).
Thank you for your words of encouragement ladies, I appreciate them so verra much
IWMB 💞💞 -
I’m so proud of you, I wnatmeback. This reminds me with fondness of the time we made it out.
Won’t ask where you are but please accept a virtual bunch of flowers…Any chance you can change your sim card = so he can’t reach you>
also about your dog…is it not allowed in your flat, why do you have to go back to walk it/her/him.Pet must be important to you…
all best and well done
ftc
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Hi IWMB
I found sleeping almost impossible when we first split, but it came back eventually. Good thing too; I was exhausted.
I decided not to get hung up about “things”. Financially, he cost me a small fortune and it will take me years to recover from it – if I ever do – but things can be replaced. Freedom and peace are priceless.
I totally understand about your dog. I still have custody of ours at the weekends. I know it’s a tie to him and he uses her to grind my gears and control me, but I’m not ready to let her go yet. If I ever am. She was his dog before we met, so if it came to it, I wouldn’t see her at all. She loves it at my home. It’s peaceful and right out in the country; good walks and our other pets. I’d keep her in a heartbeat if he’d let me, but I know he never will. But he isn’t cruel to her, other than expecting her to live with him shouting and screaming at everyone around her which she hates. Unfortunately, that isn’t enough to have her removed. I hope you find a way of keeping yours. A bit of unconditional love and something nice in your life is a godsend when you’re at this point.
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Thanks for the replies ladies. It’s funny, we’ve had this wee dog since she was a baby, she was always mine then, you know up at silly hours to feed them and let them out, we had 3 at one point but MY own dog died recently, not sure if it was a direct result of a beating he gave him or ‘naturally’, my heart says the former. Don’t think he’d harm her, but he might the other one, who’s his too, had done on numerous occasions. His motto is, they’re my dogs, I’ll treat them as I see fit.😡 But since she’s older and doesn’t need mammying as much, he decides she’s his now. mind you it’s funny when he raises his voice and she bolts to me to coorie in🤣🤣 I think because my dog is gone, I don’t feel the same need to stay, or maybe it’s just because I’m done. it’s just I don’t want her being in the crate all day, it’s not that I have to do it, but if it’s to be that way so be it. The flat doesn’t allow pets. They have a way of getting under your skin,don’t they? but ‘I’m in the zone’ and nothing is stopping me from leaving. He’s already told me I’ll not get them, and I am fine with that.
Bet wishes IWMB 💞💞 -
IWMB i have been away from this forum for couple of weeks as been preoccupied but so pleased to come back on and read your progress ! Well done you seriously you have done so much in a short space of time… Like you I kind of set dates … And now it’s crunch time house must go on market next week I’ve promised myself!! I found in mean time they will use every trick in the book so please be prepared and if you can go completely no contact..
It is hard to fully leave and cut all ties, have really struggled with it all these past couple weeks and almost.got lured back in a couple of times over the last few weeks but every time he messes up and reminds me to stay strong. Stay determined…Hope it all goes well for you keep keeping us updated as and when you can and hope you start to feel better soon x*x
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Okaaaaay, here goes, in a short while I’m walking away from this life, I can’t wait until the day I decided in my head. The few nights that are left, each one of them is filled with negativity, and anger simmering away just under the surface. Last night almost ended in a barny, but I refused to be pulled in, yet again over nothing , yet again telling me I’m as well out of here, if I can’t speak to him without starting an arguement. It’s a good job I see THAT for what it is. I’m spending some time with the dogs, then I’m going. 😟😪
Thank you for all of your support and kind words, of being with me safety step of the way. I NEVER thought I’d be able to do this, but here I am. Enough is enough.
Love to you all IWMB 💞💞
P.S. how do I stop feeling so sick?🤢 -
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You sound determined and you will get through this!
The sickness will start to ease once you leave … Keep your mind busy with anything you can, hobbies, cooking , cleaning , unpacking , familiarising yourself with the new area …
Are you going no contact ?
Sorry you are having to day goodbye to the pooches.. that is so so heart wrenching but you know why you need to do this .. try keep focused on getting out, getting safe… Make your heart as hard as stone to get through these next few days… Then you can focus on healing and living free from abuse x*x
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I’m in. leaving my fur babies was awful.i videoed them. He phoned just before I was about to leave, said he was taking one of the dogs out would I do something for him before I went out tonight. He thinks I’m at my usual Thursday night event. Said he’d see me later on and I said Goodbye, not okay then, see you later. I nearly started to cry, but I’ve came this far,a nice voice on the phone won’t stop whatever later on, will it. I’ve blocked him too, hope I can keep it that way.
This place is full of bags now, it’s going to keep me busy that’s for sure. Not sure what I’m thinking. Just doing instead of thinking I guess.
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Yay!!
This is awesome. Well done you!
Now you can have some peace and quiet. He will know I guess once he gets home, so make sure you have him blocked. Does he have nay idea you left? It might be worth calling the police befrvh does, hell report you missing, etc.
I would call the rspca and report his arse fr keeping dogs locked up all day.its cruel, and has to stop.
Have peace this evening!
Warmest wishes
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Yes I’ve blocked, noticed a load of missed calls, that’s going to really rile him.
The boiler was on the blink, no hot water, no heating 😪 I fixed it.😊 Looked on YouTube, make of boiler, presented the problem, problem what problem?? Wee confidence booster, but I feel like c**p. I’ve left my medication behind, there was me being so clever, checking the rooms as I was emptying them, I’m an Idiot with a capitol I. Hope I can get repeat prescriptions, just had them made out too. 😟 have a bubble bath waiting and will make something to eat soon.
Best wishes all IWMB💞💞 -
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Well done my friend. I wish you well with your new life and maybe one day I’ll have the courage to start a new life too. Don’t forget that I am usually around if you want to chat. The future will be brighter now and everyday affirm that you have done the right thing, never ever doubt yourself. Enjoy your tea and freedom. x*x
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Now I know what it’s like to have anxiety rather than nerves. I’ve taken my car somewhere (detail removed by moderator), 2 men were they who both know my oh, what are the chances. I how he doesn’t go to see them and one of them says he saw me. I’ve over an hour to sit here, I’ll be a basket case by then😟
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