Still away

[Iwantmeback]

Hi everyone, sorry I’ve not been around for a while, there’s no internet connection where I am, and I’m nearly up to the limit on my service providers, so I’m very aware of what I look at or download!
I’m really liking my safe, calm, tidy flat. I’m eating again, not hugely, but it’s better than I was😊
I am seeing him on my terms, I’ve not stayed over, I might, I might not. It’s so true, one size doesn’t fit all. We deal with living with, getting out, trying to stay away or staying away in the way that’s right for us. Everything he’s telling me, is how he’s made me feel for years, he’s taking 100% responsibility, most of the time. And when he says something that sounds as if he’s blaming ME for how he looks,feels, I nip THAT right in the bud. Oh he’s on his best behaviour, but thanks to this forum, what I’ve read over the past few years, the support of my support worker from WA, I see so clearly what he does. But I understand why we go back, sometimes ‘the puppy needs to be kicked again’ for it to really sink in, that he’ll never change.

I’m going for coffee with friends this week, visiting a cousin too, we’ve spoke on and off over the years but I never felt able to see her on a regular basis😏
I can’t believe how confident I’m being at times, HOW QUICKLY I’VE GOT ME BACK. Don’t get me wrong there have been times I’ve thought what am I doing, feel I’m playing at being away, that was due to an issue with my daughter, behaving just like him. Saying for years think of the relationship you could have with us, your grandchild, now it’s, I don’t know if we (speaking for her brother too)can have that relationship. I will not have more carrots dangled and goalposts moved anymore!!
I’m sleeping a but better, not waking up as often. No medication yet, though I’ve got a prescription just in case. I’ve asked to be referred to a psychologist again, fell I need three support of other women who’ve gone through this, are going through it. My support worker asked if I’d be interested in sharing with the ladies regarding nutrition and how to cook from scratch, how it needn’t be extortionate to feed a family or yourself. That threw me a lot, how someone thinks I’ve got something to offer.
I’ve not got totally political yet! Just putting ME back together again.
Tapadh leibh mo charaidhs, (thank you my friends).
I’m out for now, who knows what the future will bring, but there is a big beautiful world outside our abusive homes, work places, churches, wherever it is we are being abused. Take that leap of faith, once you’ve done that anything afterwards is way. I’m trying to fill out a universal credit form, I’ve been at it for a week but I just thought to myself, if I can walk out my old life, I can fill out a bl..dy form😊😊. I’m still practicing LOA, not for anything for me specifically but just being grateful for where I am at the moment.
Take care everyone, stay strong. Even if life afterwards is hard and difficult, it’s better that, than being abused also.
Much love
IWMB 💕💕

[freedomtochoose]

Just read this post iwantbeback. Good you are keeping on, keeping on as it were.
Having a difficult day today myself. Seem to somehow be at a standstill right now.
all best
ftc
x

[Tiffany]

I tried what you are doing. I too thought the signs were optimistic, that he understood what he had done to me, and that things would improve. My one piece of advice from that experience? Don’t tell him your new address. It’s got to remain your safe space, so if things don’t work out you have somewhere to retreat to. The way things worked out for me I was very very glad I had it. Obviously I hope that isn’t how things work out for you, but your safety net is hard won, don’t give it away until he’s worked equally hard to regain your trust.

My ex managed only weeks on best behaviour, before things started slipping. Look out for changes in his abuse patterns too. My ex switched a lot of his narratives once I started standing up for myself – like originally he had guilt tripped me by telling me how much I owed him because he had looked after me so well. When he realised that would no longer fly he switched to guilt tripping me because he couldn’t cope without me and needed me to help him get through the things he was going though. And he was genuinely mentally unwell, so I wanted to help him. Eventually it became clear that he wasn’t going to seek professional help, and that his coping mechanism was to keep abusing me. I felt bad for him, but I had to protect my own sanity. After the first couple of months of no contact, I have never regretted my decision to leave.

Please keep your own safety as a priority. Keep your new address secret. Keep your eyes open to all forms of abuse, old and new. I really hope your story has a different end to mine. But it’s a hell of a lot better to be safe than sorry.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi @Tiffany, yes agree 100%. There’s no way I’ll give him my address, it’s through WA so has to remain a secret at all costs.I relish the peace, freedom and how tidy it is, way to much. I literally just breath when I’m there.😊 I don’t feel anything towards him, oh he’s so sad, lost so much weight, can’t live without me, needs me back. Good job I don’t have an Ego, else I’d never get out the door, my head would be so big. 🤣 I totally get it being my safety net, there’s no way I’m jeopardizing it. I’ve cut down on how much I see him, yes, we have a house together which needs tidied up if it’s too be sold. I believe he thinks we’re doing it for when I go back. IF I do, it’ll be my decision, not his doing. He knows I’m not for returning, that he has to prove he is changing. But we all know they can’t, they might believe they will, or they’re playing us to convince us otherwise. I’m so grateful to this forum, for everything I’ve read, without it, I’d never have left, I’d never have had my eyes opened so much.
I managed to send the disclosure form today(Clare’s Law), accepted my email this time!!
Aye he’s changing his tactics from aggressive to passive. How he’d not be here if I wasnt around, (detail removed by moderator), how if I’m not doing anything I could just come and see him for a few hours. I’m like, I’ve left you, we aren’t just seeing each other, I walked out. If I go back(which I don’t know if I will or won’t)I know it couldn’t ever be the same, I’d always be waiting on him reverting back to type, or just changing his tactics. Why would I go back to that. He too is promising to see people, has spoken to people he knows. BUT that’s been it so far. I know he wants me to fix this for him, yet he tells me he needs to fix this, he’s responsible for it. Whatever happens, I don’t really care if it works or doesn’t. And that says it all really. Guess I’m just slowly untangling myself from him emotionally, yet I was so sure I had already done that. Time will tell I suppose.

@ftc, hope you’re doing okay, pm me if you want. I’ll get back when I can access internet connection. 💜

Bet wishes to all
IWMB 💕😠

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